Reflections from a Year with No Social Media By: Lindsay Murphy
In December of 2022, I was 4 months pregnant with our 3rd child and I had begun to experience a series of panic attacks over things related to social media. It had taken on the form of another human in our home. It demanded much of my time (probably 3 hours total on a good day (more on what that looked like later), and sucked a lot of energy and joy out of me. I had known all of this for a long time, but previously, I had convinced myself there were more positives than negatives of social media (also, more on that later). In a moment of deep conviction that could only come from the Lord, I had decided that I would not use any form of social media for the entire 2023 year. Which, for me, meant deleting the Instagram and Facebook apps. I shared the idea with my husband, who was overwhelmingly on board (conviction #2), and considered the positives to eliminating the human of social media in order to welcome our 3rd little human into our home…knowing that she would most likely need those ~3 hours of my time per day!
So, on January 1, 2023, I announced that I was off on Facebook and Instagram. I changed my bio to “signed off for 2023!” and deleted the apps (but kept the accounts…fully intending on returning in 2024). I was probably only 20% committed at the time (deep down), but I knew that if I announced it, I would feel deeply pressured to follow through. And it worked! With the help of my husband and some dear friends that were so encouraging to me, and with strength that could only come from a God that strengthens the powerless (Isaiah 40:29), I’m 365 days in to life without social media and I had truly NO idea how it had permeated into so many facets of my life. It hasn’t been easy in the slightest, and hasn’t come without loss. But, it’s been eye opening, and SO incredibly good for me, my husband, and my kids that I won’t be returning for 2024. And probably not 2025. Or 2026. And here’s why.
2005:
My social media habits began to form when I first got a MySpace in the 6 th grade. Before Myspace, AOL instant messenger (*PoodleGirl05!!) had been my main source of connecting with my friends after school and on weekends. So now, to be able to have a profile with pictures and music? Sign me up. Of course, it immediately became all about the pictures. My friends and I spent night after night putting on makeup, taking selfies in our rooms, and snapping “candids” on our digital cameras as we walked to Sonic in downtown Huntsville, Alabama (if you’re a Huntsville native you know what a loss that is), all so that we could get back home and upload our favorites to our computers and create new profile pictures. Honestly, those are some of my favorite childhood memories. And we can’t forget the music. I changed my profile song at least 10 times per day, and would, ultimately, always land on a Rascal Flats (“My Wish”), T-Pain (“I’m Sprung”), or Fall Out Boy (“Sugar, We’re Going Down”). And I’ll never forget my favorite profile pictures of myself…duckface, peace sign, Hollister tee, Abercrombie jeans, Wallabees and all. Peak 2000s content was found in the nooks and crannies of the Huntsville Middle School Myspace scene.
Could any of us have imagined what social media would become? It’s crazy to look back to those middle school memories and think about the deep habits that were being formed with a tool that would be a part of our culture for the rest of our lives. But we didn’t know it. No one could have comprehended the speed at which cell phones would evolve, and we would eventually put miniature computers in our pockets to carry with us everywhere we go. No longer is it running back home to upload pictures to our laptops once the moment has passed, but posting a story in the midst of the moment. No longer do we have 35 friends that we go to school or church with, but we have 1,000+ followers, most of which we don’t know personally but just want to learn from and be like…hence the name change from “friends” to “followers”. We’re all aware of the observable, drastic change in social media from 2005 to 2024 and would all have so much fun sitting down over dinner to laugh over AOL, Myspace, early Facebook, early Instagram, and our favorite filters. Social media has an amazing way of connecting us…and for many of us, there’s a sweet nostalgia to it. It’s truly become a part of who we are as a people.
2022:
So, after 18 years of being on social media every day (with the occasional 1-week or 1-month fast here and there), my habits tanked. What started as a cute way to connect with a small group of friends turned into an addiction that was damaging my relationship with Jesus, my husband, and my children. In those 18 years of social media use, I graduated high school, went to college at the University of Tennessee, met my future husband (I’ll never forget our first conversation on Facebook Chat), graduated, got married, moved back home, and started our family. We had our first daughter in 2018, and our first son in 2020. Sprinkled into all of those life events was an obsession …well, actually multiple obsessions:
• which pictures to post?
• what caption?
• how many likes?
• who liked/who didn’t?
• was it offensive?
• was it bold enough?
• did I point someone to Jesus?
• do my kids look put together and cared for?
• Is it obvious that I’m trying too hard?
And the list goes on and on and on...and on. And on.
What my daily social media habits looked like up until December 2022:
6:00 am – wake up, open Instagram, scroll for 5-30 minutes depending on what I had to get done that morning
6:50– peek one more time after finishing up quiet time and before going to get the kids out of bed
7:40– scroll a little in carline while dropping my daughter off at school
8:30– back home with my son, check Facebook while peeing, end up sitting on the toilet for 5-15 extra minutes while my he watches some morning TV on the couch
8:57– open up that influencer’s page with all the great children’s activities to get an idea of a fun activity to do with my son, see an ad for a product I’ve been meaning to order, click the link to order it real quick, get side tracked by seeing a story one of my bffs posted, end up watching stories for a few more minutes before I snap back into reality and realize I haven’t played with my son yet this morning
9:17 – take a picture of my son doing something cute and post it to my Instagram story
9:19 – read a DM response to my son’s picture, type a response, message with that friend and a few others over the next 30-45 minutes while intermittently (half-heartedly) playing with my son
10:15 – decide to post a picture from the weekend that I’ve been meaning to post, but I’m also disgusted with how much I’ve been on my phone this morning so I’m going to post and then put my phone in another room until nap time. I’ll check likes/comments then.
10:40 – had to run into my room to grab something so snuck a quick peek to see who has liked the picture and if anyone has commented
10:41 – see a comment from a new friend I don’t know super well, click on her profile and creep real quick
10:45 – mad at myself again and hear my son calling me from the playroom, put my phone down and leave it again, frustrated with myself
10:46-12:00 – random thoughts about the 500+ faces, experiences, thoughts, outfits, advertisements, pictures I’ve seen this morning
12:01 – hear my phone ringing, run into my room to answer (it’s my mom), put it on speaker to talk to her and absentmindedly open Instagram again to see who else has liked/commented on my post or story. I’m only halfway paying attention to her and our conversation
12:30 – naptime – I’m so exhausted…I’m going to sit and rest my feet for just a couple of minutes before I clean the house and get things on my to-do list done. I need to do a Target pick up order for groceries
12:32 – I want to make a recipe I saw an influencer make a couple of days ago…go to her page and screenshot the ingredients list so I can order from Target
12:33 – get sidetracked by her profile and end up scrolling a little longer than planned
12:59 – I finally remember to go back to the Target app and finish the pick up order…mad at myself because I really needed to submit it 30 minutes ago for it to be ready on time to pick up after I get my daughter from school
1:10 – I finally muster up the energy to get some things done around my house. I’m wishing my house looked like the influencer’s I was just getting the recipe from
1:15 – As I’m wiping my countertops, I’m thinking about some pretty quartz ones I saw in a post and wishing my countertops were a different color…and that I had that pretty gold hardware on my cabinets…and arches for doorways…I need to write these things down for when we get to build a house someday.
1:17 – “Lord, please help me to be content with what you’ve given me and to be able to focus with gratitude on what’s in front of me…”
1:35 – my son begins to wake up…I’m so frustrated…he only slept an hour? I got hardly anything done!
1:36 – I’m short tempered with my son because his short nap caused me to not get my to-do list done
1:40 – I’m not mentally ready to parent yet, so I put him in front of the TV…since he should technically be sleeping for another hour, he needs to rest and sit still for a little while. I want to cuddle with him…I’ll scroll my phone behind his head so he doesn’t see
1:45 – I’ve consumed most of all of the interesting content there is to consume…nothing new is being posted since it’s the middle of the workday. I have no business being on here…I begin to mentally force myself to not desire looking for the rest of the day
2:10 – I accidentally open the app (force of habit) and something interesting catches my eye. I look for a couple of minutes and then put my phone down. Restraint!
2:30 – time to load up to go pick up my oldest daughter. I need to check to see if that Target pick up order happens to be ready. I pick up my phone and immediately go to Instagram/Facebook (force of habit), and after 60 seconds I am trying to remember why I grabbed my phone in the first place…oh yeah, Target pick up order
2:36 – at a stop light, open Instagram, nothing to see, why did I just do that? I put my phone down determined to not look again. I talk to my son and ask if he wants to listen to music. We sing worship songs in car line and that helps me re-center my heart and mind.
2:50 – my daughter hops in the car and I’m so excited to see her…she looks so cute and says something hysterical about her day. I snap a quick picture for an Instagram story…too funny not to share. The world needs more of her. I’m blessing them with her humor.
3:03 – Waiting for my Target pick up order to come out, so I post that story really quick. People are going to love it!
3:07 – has anyone responded? No... strange.
3:09 – I check again. No one. Dang. 45 of my friends viewed it and no one responded? I look to see who has looked but not taken the time to respond. I see multiple close friends have viewed it and it hurts my feelings (even though I do this to them all the time and there are 10,000 other things people could be doing and I know deep down it’s nothing personal).
3:10 – My mom responds with a laughing emoji…she gets it!
3:11 – Still…no one?
3:15 – I delete the post…this is ridiculous that I’m this obsessed over this. I’m not going to put my daughter in this position, especially when she doesn’t even realize it.
3:16 – Should I even be posting these personal moments of my kids? My daughter has no idea that I just shared that with 100+ people. 95% of them she doesn’t even know. That doesn’t feel right. More shame and regret.
3:40 – My husband has a basketball game tonight. What team are the playing? I go to their Instagram page to check them out. What’s their record? Oh, wow, I went to high school with that kid’s older brother. Is he married? Where did he end up? I look him up. Oh wow, he’s dating her? I had no idea! They’re super cute. I wonder how long they’ve been dating? I scroll to get as much information as I can in a short amount of time
3:45 – My daughter asks me to play with her. I’m annoyed but I know I shouldn’t be. I haven’t played with her all day. I’ve missed her all day and she’s missed me. Why do I not want to play with her?
4:00 – I need to start dinner in an hour. Oh crap. Groceries are still in the car. How did I forget? It’s only been 40 minutes. They should be fine. I pause playing with my daughter. She’s sad. I’m secretly relieved and grab my phone to check it again, respond to a couple of texts, a friend sent me a reel she wants me to see, I watch while I unload groceries, respond to her
4:15 – I have to go spend time with my kids before it’s time to cook dinner. We do a puzzle. I’m struggling to engage with them. I just saw my friend is on a trip for her anniversary. Jealous of that. When are my husband and I going to go on an anniversary trip? When will we be able to afford that? I get frustrated with him even though he works as hard as humanly possible and provides so much for our family. Conviction.
4:45 – My husband will be home in 15 minutes. I get up to start dinner. I need to watch that reel one more time to be reminded how to cook that recipe.
5:05 – My husband walks in the door. Best time of my day. He accepts me even when I don’t feel anyone else does. I think to myself that I know social media gets me in a bad headspace…I thank God for the gentle reminder that He loves me…and my husband loves me…and my kids love me… I don’t have to prove anything to them. I wish that were enough.
5:15 – My dinner looks nothing like the influencer’s did. It still tastes good, but I’m annoyed. I want my life to look as pretty as hers. Cliché, but true.
5:30 – I pile our dinner dishes on top of the dishes I was supposed to wash at nap time. Mad at myself. Too tired and too pregnant to put them away. I’ll do it after bedtime.
6:30 – just had a great hour of playtime with my kids. Chutes and Ladders for the win. I head to run the bath. I’ve forgotten all about my conviction I had at
5:05 and jump right back onto Instagram to see if my daughter’s school posted a picture of her from their dress up day. They posted other kids but not her. That kind of stings.
7:30 – Bathtime/bedtime is over, kids are in bed, my husband is about to go on a run. I collapse onto the couch and watch Outer Banks. I am so curious about these people in real life...I look up each main character’s Instagram. I halfheartedly watch the show while I creep on them.
8:15 – My husband is back and showered and it’s time to hang out. I’m 50% present. The other 50% I don’t even know…I just feel foggy. Am I depressed? Stressed? Anxious? I don’t really know what I’m feeling. But it’s not peaceful.
9:00 –We watch The Office. It helps me cope with feeling blah. I fall asleep about 10 minutes in.
9:45 – My husband nudges me awake and we head for bed. Now I’m going to have a hard time falling asleep since I fell asleep on the couch. Dang.
10:00 – We pray and say goodnight. I’m wide awake. I’ll scroll my phone to help myself get drowsy. I need to shop for some clothes for the kids anyways.They’ve sized up in just about everything. Instead of just going to Amazon or Target online, I go to Instagram to try and find some of the ads I saw earlier. I get side tracked again and never order the clothes.
10:20 –I’m finally tired enough to put the phone down and try to sleep
10:22 – My brain is foggy…I’m trying to pray and talk to Jesus as I fall asleep…why is it so hard for me to stay focused? Why does my mind keep drifting?
10:23 – “Lord, help me to be focused on what you have in front of me…” …
6:00 am – wake up, open Instagram, scroll for 5-30 minutes depending on what I had to get done that morning
I know the above may seem extreme. And maybe even impossible while getting anything else in life done. But this was my average day for a long, long time. It’s hard to bring myself to admit that. Thankfully, some days were better than others. For instance, I would be oddly relieved when I had a crazy busy day because that meant there were less opportunities to desire my phone. If I happened to have the rare day of going 3 or 4 hours without checking my Instagram or Facebook, I would feel so proud! And then I would immediately turn around and indulge all the more that evening.
I have always considered myself to be a pretty good wife and mom. I love my husband and kids so much it hurts, and I would never intentionally do anything to hurt them. But looking back on those daily bad habits, I was hurting them deeply. I was more scattered than I had to be, I was more distant than I had to be, I was more discontent then I had to be, and I was more disconnected then I had to be. Unfortunately, these were not the reasons I got off of social media. These were the epiphanies I had after getting off and staying off. These epiphanies didn’t come in the first week or month, rather, they deeply set in once healthier habits were built and implemented for the long haul. It was like retraining my brain to live a life without a tool it has been dependent on for 18 years. 18 years! So, training my brain to function without it was and still is a struggle. And I’m still imperfect and learning. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I don’t have a breakdown over feeling “invisible” or “forgotten” from time to time. Insert my husband who has been a constant source of encouragement and truth. And he reminded me, time and time again, of what a lie those thoughts are:
“Yet, hope returns when I remember this one thing: The Lord’s unfailing love and mercy still continue, fresh as the morning, as sure as the sunrise. The Lord is all I have, and so in Him I put my hope.” Lamentations 3:21-24
The pros to life with no social media:
I think there are 100+ benefits to being off of social media (and if I were to consider each positive moment with my kids and husband that social media had previously taken away a benefit, then we’re talking 1,000+ benefits), but the below are what immediately comes to mind:
1. Increased gratitude and contentment
o I used to compare every part of my life to what I was seeing online. I compared:
o myself (my body, my hair, my makeup, my clothes, my exercise and eating habits)
o my husband (his clothes, his willingness to take pictures, the amount of time he’s home, the gifts he bought me on holidays, his exercise and eating habits)
o my children (their rate of development, their clothes, their talents, their costumes, their smile)
o my house (its age, its appliances, its countertops, its floors, its yard, its pantry, its kitchen)
o I previously would have told you I was grateful for all I have, because I was. But that gratefulness wasn’t organic for me…it was something I had to conjure up with the help of Jesus every day, because I was starting my days in a state of depravity with the morning scroll.
o This one has been one of the most transformational changes in our family. For the first time, I’m not fogged with the lie of the grass being greener on the other side. I used to sit around and think about what I didn’t have instead of what I do have. Now, I don’t constantly see what I don’t have, I only see what I do have. It’s not rocket science, but I sure had no idea what a game changer it would be for me and our family. Life has shifted from reflecting on my desires to reflecting on my blessings.
2. More time
o Quicker to get out of bed in the morning (no morning scroll)
o Quicker to get out of the bathroom (no toilet scroll…we all do it…)
o My “quiet” moments throughout the day are more productive now, maximizing my hours and days. For instance, when at a stop light, instead of checking my phone, I am having productive thoughts (i.e., “what food do we have in the fridge for me to put together for dinner tonight?” Rather than wasting that moment on Instagram and then having to round up dinner last minute when it’s inconvenient and stressful)
o In the evenings, I have started (and maintained) a new hobby that I previously never committed the time to
o Better sleep at night – not scrolling before bed, in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning, so I have more energy for the day and spend less time “mustering up the energy” to get things done “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 2. Safer Driving
o Did you notice the stop light example? I also wasn’t perfect while driving either, as much as I hate to admit that. My children are so much safer in the car now. That hits hard.
3. Cleaner house
o I’ve been BLOWN AWAY by how much easier it is to keep my house clean now that I spend my 1-3 minute free intervals cleaning rather than 1-3 minute intervals scrolling. 3 kids, and my house is cleaner than when I only had one or two. I used to be so overwhelmed with keeping up, but I was totally unaware how those small moments can build up into so much time. 180 seconds is wasted quickly on Instagram, but I can start a load of laundry or put the morning dishes in the dishwasher in the same amount of time.
4. Ability to single task and focus on what is in front of me
o I was in front of my kids and my husband just as much a year ago as I am now, but my mind wasn’t fully present. Again, I never knew until I knew, because I had never been a mother or a wife without social media being a huge part of my life. My husband now realizes that he was only getting a part of me…my children don’t consciously realize it (thank God), but they were getting the brunt of my bad moods social media would put me in, and I was rarely fully present. Now I can fully focus on them and my tasks at hand because I’m not tempted to pick up my phone every 1, 2, 3 minutes. Even writing this now, I’m blown away by how quickly I’m finishing this blog post. The last time I wrote this much I was elbow deep in Instagram and struggling to finish anything like this without intermittently checking my phone.
o Every night, when my husband and I sit and have quality time together, I am now fully present and focused on him. And I’m not bringing social media baggage to those moments anymore. Our marriage was in a good place before, but it is in an even better place now. If you feel like your marriage is in a bad spot, and you haven’t tried giving up social media, I beg you to give it a try. This is an extreme analogy, but I believe it deep in my bones…my relationship with social media was an adulterous one. I was seeking things from others that I was only created to seek from God and my husband.
5. Ability to be where my feet are
o I hate to admit this one, but here it goes…I dressed my children in anticipation for an Instagrammable moment. I’m horrified to admit it, but it’s true. I caused so much stress in our home before events (even minor ones like going to the park), so that my kids would be dressed to the nines and I could take a picture to post later. A few weeks into my fast, my husband mentioned that it was so much easier to get ready to go places because my kids could just wear what they had been previously wearing, not forced to change clothes to become Instagram worthy. Now, when we decide to go to the park, not only am I at peace with whatever mismatched cuteness they are wearing, but I’m fully present at the park, too. I, of course, still snap pictures for our own family memories, but it’s much more peaceful when I know I’m not about to upload it for the world to see.
6. Increased attention span and less brain fog
o This was what ultimately pushed me off of social media in the first place. My brain legitimately felt foggy and like I couldn’t retain information or keep up with all my brain was trying to do in a single day. And it was scaring me and leading me to anxiety/depressive behaviors. I now feel that I am able to process what’s actually going on in front of me instead of trying to process what’s going on in front of me AND the 100s of social media observations my brain is also trying to process.
o We are so focused on training our children to have a healthy attention span by limiting their screen time in our home, while all the while I was the worst of us all. Just as too much screen time causes developmental delays in kids, it causes our adult attention spans and memory retention to suffer, too.
o This article talks about the psychology behind this concept. It’s a more secular explanation for these cognitive losses, and should ideally be viewed through the lens of the Gospel: https://amp.theguardian.com/science/2022/jan/02/attention-span-focusscreens-apps-smartphones-social-media
7. Spent less money
o No more constant ads with things that Instagram knows I want
8. Lost weight
o I did have a baby this year so weight loss after May 16th was a given, but I am now well below my pre-pregnancy weight, and I believe it is connected to reduced stress levels and time wasted on the internet…and in being less stressed and anxious, I am doing less stress-eating. I also don’t feel the pull to the couch as strongly as before, so it’s now easier for me to do naptime workouts.
o More time to meal plan and scheme for meals each week. This past October, we did a whole month of eating in to cut back on monthly costs, and I could have never done that with my previous social media habits.
9. Reduction in how often I felt guilt
o Whether it was knowing I shouldn’t be on it when I was…or thinking about the people I could have accidentally offended by a post…or considering the people that were praying for a blessing I was bragging about…or forgetting to post a “happy birthday” story for one of my friends…or deciding not to post a picture of a friend’s baby shower…I struggled with a lot of feelings of guilt surrounding social media. And leaving the possibility of those feelings behind has been really good for me.
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8:1-2
10. Reduction in relationships to keep up with
o This one will sound harsh. But I hope you hear my heart and don’t take this the wrong way. I love each person I am connected with on social media. Truly – I was the social media user that unfollowed people that I didn’t have the patience for. So, if a person is in my list of people I follow, 99% of the time I would say I really have a care and affection for that person. However, I don’t have the capacity for deep, genuine relationships with 1,000+ people. That’s for Heaven. And that’s one of the many reasons I’m homesick for Heaven. So, In the meantime, I only have the capacity for my family, church, immediate community, and the people that God puts in my path. I wasn’t created to maintain 1,000s of relationships the way that Jesus would. And I couldn’t find true peace with that until I was off of social media. So, elephant in the room, yes, I am completely out of the know on a lot of big life events in the lives of people I went to high school and college with, worked with, etc. And that part stinks. I wish it could be different. But even if I could have access to all of that knowledge without the bad parts of social media, it’s still too much for my brain to handle. It’s still mental input/output that takes away from my family’s needs for input/output. I’ve finally found peace with being more in tuned to my family’s life and hearts than knowing what’s going on with a girl I sat next to in Sociology freshman year of college. Yes, I’ve thought about her often, along with the hundreds of other people I’ve thought about. And most of the time I try to take the time to pray for them since the Lord has brought them to mind. And that keeps me peaceful with not knowing what’s going on…truth is, my prayer for them goes a lot farther in the light of eternity than my knowledge of them. But please hear me…I am really heartbroken over the loss of daily touch points with friends. If you’re reading this and I follow you, I miss you. Know that. This has by far been the hardest part and the greatest loss. But Jesus fills in those gaps and gives me strength when I am weak. All good things come with great challenge.
11. I’m learning how to cope without scrolling
o Scrolling had always been an unhealthy coping mechanism for me. I still struggle with it. Throughout this year, when I became anxious about something, I would find myself perusing the Weather Channel or scrolling through Pinterest. I have definitely not matured beyond the desire to scroll yet. But, I am learning more and more each day how to take moments of stress and turn to God instead of turning to my phone. I have talked more with Jesus this year than ever before…because I’m finally allowing myself to feel uncomfortable to the point recognizing how I 100% of the time am in desperate need of Him.
12. I’m able to form my personal beliefs on my own
o Not being constantly flooding with other people’s opinions on politics, religion, world affairs, etc. has allowed me the freedom to formulate my beliefs and thoughts with God and my husband. I used to sway with the wind with each opinion I heard, struggling to fully form my own.
Arguments against deleting social media…and why I feel they’re wrong:
1. It’s counter cultural and can feel isolating
o I am so out of the loop. I ask my friends questions that they’ve had the answer to for months. I miss out on school announcements from time to time because I missed the Instagram reminder and I forgot to write the dates from the email down. I forget the names of new friends because I didn’t get the chance to go to their Instagram account and creep on them back to year 2014. I no longer know how they met, when they got married, and what their house looks like. I have to learn all of these things in face to face conversations or via email, and so I feel like I’m spending a lot of time catching up.
Truth #1: It’s okay to be out of the loop. The things I need to know, I have other options of how to find those things out. Instagram and Facebook are not the only way. It’s an opportunity for discipline to find out other ways of keeping up with all that’s going on. It’s also an opportunity for coffee dates, phone calls, and other organic ways to build relationships.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2
2. Isn’t staying on and building healthy habits better?
o I understand this argument…wouldn’t it be better to stay on and find healthy habits, so I can one day model that for my children?
o I do believe that finding a way to access the things of this world in a healthy way, is a great opportunity for evangelism and advancing the Gospel. My goal is to get good at this before my kids are at social media age. Actually, my prayer is that social media is obsolete by then. But since it likely won’t be, I do plan to find a way to find a happy medium. o In my case, healthy habits are not, yet, possible for me. I need this social media thing to evolve a little bit more, and I need to mature a little bit more before I’m ready to be a once a week user…or even better, a once a month user. I’d like to think that I’m there, but I know, deep down, I would fall right back into old habits.
o If social media is truly the poison that scientists and the creators of social media know it is (I’ll link some articles below), then is any amount of poison a good amount? If we were to compare social media to drugs…since we all know social media is a drug. Is there any amount of a drug that is a good amount?
Truth #2: Everyone has different capacities and backgrounds and perspectives that lend to different approaches to social media. It’s okay that mine is “none at all,” and it’s okay that someone else’s is “seeking healthy habits”. What’s not okay is knowing all of the dangers of social media and ignoring them anyway. What’s not okay is living a life fully controlled by the whims of social media and not pursuing healthy habits. That’s what can lead to very scary places. See articles below.
https://www.npr.org/2023/05/23/1177626373/u-s-surgeon-general-vivek-murthy-warnsabout-the-dangers-of-social-media-to-kids
https://www.christiantoday.com/article/3-ways-social-media-endangers-a-christianslife/121826.htm
https://www.thegspelcoalition.org/article/social-media-spiritual-distortion/?amp
https://www.parents.com/states-social-media-regulations-7486207
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about to tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below – indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
3. It’s a loss of a creative outlet
o I love to write. I love pictures. I love my friends. I love pretty things. I love creating content (even if it wasn’t for money, just to create something was fun). So not getting to do that anymore is a loss.
Truth #3: We were created to be creative beings (Exodus 35, Ephesians 2:10), and our creativity does not depend on social media. There are other ways that you can use the gifts He has given you to advance the kingdom, and He will reveal those to you if you take the step in faith to delete social media from your life in order to glorify Him.
4. It takes away an outlet for sharing the Gospel
o I used to be quick to say that social media brought me closer to Jesus and helped me share the Gospel. But looking back and evaluating my habits, that was only a small part of my purpose on social media. I look back and wonder if my efforts were ever truly Kingdom advancing, or if my content just made others feel less than…wishing they had what I have…opening up opportunities for secret sin (judgement, envy, hate)…Honestly, if you told me that my page irked you, I would believe it. I look back on some of my “humble brags” and get irked myself.
o The truth is, I (speaking only for me here) can only live like Jesus when off of social media (for now). Jesus is all about deep relationship and caring love. Does social media offer the chance for deep relationships? Can we be a fully caring Christian on social media? I don’t have the answer to these questions, but they are questions that has come to mind as I’ve pondered my fear of not having this outlet for reaching 100s with the Truth.
o God has been so gracious to show me a way out of this fearful thinking. He’s mainly done this by:
o Reinforcing mine and my husband’s efforts in discipling our kids. Reminding me that, that is my main calling for now, and that those efforts will (Lord willing) reach the 1,000s in time, as my children become parents and grandparents and their influence goes beyond comprehension.
o Giving me other opportunities to share the Gospel. I print more pictures now that I’m off of social media (so I get enjoyment of the pictures we take….we have picture walls all over our refrigerator, walls, etc.). So, the other day when I was in Walgreens, I had an opportunity to share the Gospel with a man I have been seeing each time I pick up pictures. He was raised in a very legalistic home and had walked away from the faith…our conversation was the first he had about Jesus in a long time. And it was so real and special. God gently reminded me that those are the ways we share His love. It’s possible that I never made that level of impact in my 18 years on social media…I won’t know until I’m in Heaven. But in the meantime, God has so graciously given me peace with sharing His love in different ways. Ways that He was using for 1,000s of years before social media.
Truth #4: God is not dependent on your social media to turn hearts to him. He can get ALL that he wants accomplished through you, accomplished WITHOUT social media, if that’s what you feel the Holy Spirit drawing you to. Can he use social media for good? 100%. (Romans 8:28) But if you feel conviction about your social media use and are afraid of the repercussions of losing your audience to share the Gospel, don’t be. Could it be possible that life without social media puts you in an even better position to share the Gospel?
“Surrender your heart to God, turn to him in prayer, and give up your sins – even those you do in secret. Then you won’t be ashamed; you will be confident and fearless. Your troubles will go away like water beneath a bridge, and your darkest night will be brighter than noon. You will rest safe and secure, filled with hope and emptied of worry. You will sleep without fear and be greatly respected.” Job 11:13-19
5. I no longer have an online photo book
o One of my favorite things about social media was how it kept all of my memories so organized. It was a virtual family photo album…I miss periodically scrolling back to 2011 pictures with my husband, 2015 pictures with our first baby, etc.
Truth #5: There are tons of other ways to compile photos! And now I finally have the time to do it. We have now started a family yearbook! I am using Blurb to compile everything into a coffee table book. As I mentioned before, I also print pictures more frequently and update them on our fridge. We got these wonderful magnets on Amazon that our pictures slip right into. We have like 40 of them on our fridge!
I’m one year in to life with no social media…and I’m struggling to come up with any more cons than the 5 above. 12-5, pros-cons. Furthermore, the alternatives to the pros are pretty grim, and the alternatives to the cons are steeped in hope and dependence on Christ. That’s my oneyear off of social media analysis.
My average day in 2023 (we added a child since 2022 so days look a little different):
6:00am – I wake up and get out of bed, no more scroll. I’m able to feel an immediate and deep sense of gratitude for His new mercies on me rather than immediately falling into the comparison trap and forgetting His goodness all around me.
6:15– I walk through a clean (relative to before) house, not buried in the need to catch up on dishes or laundry like I was before
6:20 – I’m on the couch with my husband for quiet time with a cup of coffee in my hand, quiet time is much more fulfilling and consistent now
7:00 – my husband and I go get our kids out of bed, get them ready for school, no peeking or absentmindedness
7:15 – I get my 6 month old out of the crib, change her diaper and nurse her…I am thankful for how many quiet, uninterrupted moments I’ve had with her compared to the social media noise that competed with my other two newborns. Instead of scrolling while feeding, I’m just with her. And it’s been really sweet.
7:40 – I’m fully attentive to my oldest daughter in carline. We sing worship music and talk about the day ahead. I missed out on too many of these conversations a year ago.
8:30 – I’m home from Kindergarten drop off with my youngest two. I finish some morning chores before playing with them. I’m so much more present with all of my kids than before.
8:30am-7:30pm – My phone is still with me for most of my day, but I am only on it to answer calls, texts, order groceries, check the weather, etc. My time spent on my phone is down from multiple hours per day to 30 minutes—1.5 hours depending on how much I talked on the phone with friends/family. My kids don’t have a complex about my phone anymore (they used to bat it out of my hands and view it as something they had to compete with), and I don’t walk around with the competing thoughts in my head that social media was always leaving me with.
7:30pm – all 3 kids are in bed, I don’t feel the urge to do anything on my phone, so it’s much easier to get myself to clean the kitchen, having my house clean and ready for my kids to wake up the next morning
8:00 – my husband and I have our first quiet moment on the couch together since the morning. I no longer desire to check Instagram rather than catch up with him and talk about our day. And he notices and is grateful.
8:30-10:00pm – I fill the evenings with 1) watching some of our favorite TV shows with my husband (mostly The Office and Parks and Rec), 2) doing hand embroidery (my new hobby that I started after dropping social media), reading, catching up on family related things, or going to watch my husband’s basketball games after the kids are down. All things I was previously halfway engaged in, but now am fully engaged in.
10:00pm – I go to bed, and actually fall asleep right away versus scrolling and then struggling to sleep because of competing thoughts. …
6:00am – I wake up and get out of bed, no more scroll, I’m able to feel an immediate and deep sense of gratitude for His new mercies on me rather than immediately falling into the comparison trap and forgetting His goodness all around me.
For me personally, I like the above version of life better. The loss and sadness still creeps in from time to time, but the good outweighs the bad so much so that I am going to stay on this path for 2024…and eagerly await all of the sweet lessons He teaches me in the meantime.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
So, If you feel trapped in any or all of the above, I urge you to ask yourself: "how much time/effort/energy am I spending on socials per day?"
And if you're experiencing a social media addiction like I was, and are wanting to take steps toward healing but can't bring yourself to get there, I highly recommend my in-law's Biblical counseling center, Rock House Center.
Finally, If you don’t feel that you are in a season of fully cutting out social media, but want to experiment with building healthy habits, I’ve compiled some tips that correspond with each pro above.
Tip #1: Consider buying an alarm clock and putting your phone in a different room in the evenings to help you avoid the evening and morning scroll. Discipline yourself to have a 30- minute quiet time of prayer and reading your Bible first thing in the morning before looking at your phone. Start a daily journal entry naming 3 things you are grateful for before checking your social media accounts.
Tip #2: Consider designating 1 hour to social media, and then deleting your apps for the remainder of the day until that time rolls around the next day. This requires a lot of discipline since it is so easy to re-download apps. Pray and ask the Lord to help you do this. When you feel tempted, it’s just another opportunity for prayer. What a gift.
Tip #3: the LifeSaver – Distracted Driving app locks your phone when driving. Unfortunately you can disable it if you choose to, but it’s at least a good deterrent and one more step in case you absentmindedly reach for your phone!
Tip #4: Consider “rewarding” your house cleaning efforts by disciplining yourself to only sitting down to scroll after you have accomplished at least one task. Instead of accessing your phone as you please, make it a beneficial tool in your home…something that motivates you to get things done! “First, ________...then, I’ve earned some phone time.”
Tip #5: If you are feeling mentally bogged down by your post-scroll thoughts, take a moment to pray and ask God to take those thoughts captive and free you from lies. If there is a recurring lie you are believing, the only freedom is to combat those lies with God’s word and truth. Consider taking time in the Word or in prayer in between scrolling and having time with loved ones.
Tip #6: If you go on a family outing with your spouse, or are going out with friends, consider taking turns and leaving your phone at home for a time. Communicate with loved ones that they can get in touch with you on _____’s phone in case of emergency. It’s so freeing to not even have the option to grab your phone from time to time!
Tip #7: If you are an avid user of screens and never have “bored moments”, consider building in at least 1 “bored moment” per day. There is so much value in being bored and quiet…take a (safe) walk without your phone, sit on your porch and be quiet, leave your phone in another room when you go to the bathroom…building in “bored moments” can help to re-condition you to having a longer attention span. And provide an opportunity for you to dwell on things you want to remember, helping you to better retain memories.
Tip #8: AdLock is an app that does as much as possible to reduce the ads you see on Instagram. This article describes what you can do (with or without the app) to take back as much control as possible over what you see on your Instagram account. https://adlock.com/blog/how-to-blockads-on-instagram/
Tip #9: Similar to the house cleaning tip, consider disciplining yourself to only accessing your phone after you have done your workout or met certain eating goals in a day. Again, if you’re going to have social media in your life…you might as well access it in a way that enhances other parts of your life.
Tip #9: Flood yourself with Truth. Before, during, and after accessing social media.
Tip #10: Consider reducing your friends/follow list. This will take time, but it can make social media a healthier place for you to be. Eliminate the influencers that only cause you to feel deprived rather than filled up. Eliminate the people you barely know that you know you won’t see again. God will perfectly supply them with everything they need, and if you never talk to them, they likely don’t need you or your “follow” anyways. It’s an opportunity for you to be freed up to invest more in the people that you are truly on social media for. I think we’re all past looking at the “follower/following ratio” and judging people for that…or at least I hope we are. Sorry, but that’s so 2015. So, don’t feel ashamed to clean out your account for the good of yourself and your loved ones. I love the saying, “I’d rather 4 quarters than 100 pennies”…that’s true for a lot of reasons.
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." Romans 5:1–11 (ESV)