What Your Child Needs to Know About God

44-Minute Episode


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Author’s Note

There is no crisis you cannot bring to God for peace and redemption. Trusting intense life challenges to God brings you the peace to hear His leading for the best possible response. In this podcast we talk about how to access His peace and wisdom in any crisis.


We sincerely hope that these resources will be encouraging and edifying to you.

In His Rest,

John Murphy

  • 00:00:00 John Murphy

    This is the Rock House Center podcast and I'm John Murphy.

    00:00:04 Beth Murphy

    I'm Beth Murphy.

    00:00:05 Beth Murphy

    And we're going to talk about today is what your child most needs to know about God.

    00:00:10 Beth Murphy

    It's a direct follow up to last week podcast on breaking the code to your Child Heart.

    00:00:16 Beth Murphy

    We talked about how to be certain that your child is assured of your love and then the need to have a whole separate track of communication.

    00:00:24 Beth Murphy

    That accomplishes that purpose in their life.

    00:00:27 John Murphy

    The aspect we want to talk about today is what your child needs to hear from you about God.

    00:00:32 John Murphy

    Common condition of most children relative to their faith is that even though they have professed their faith, there is a lot more to it and there is they have not yet reached that place where they are actually trusting in God, and they have a relationship, a trusting relationship with God.

    00:00:47 John Murphy

    And that's a really critical thing for them to have peace about life.

    00:00:50 John Murphy

    It's also fairly common in adults as well, and so they really kind of reflect to some degree.

    00:00:56 John Murphy

    The normal Christian approach, which is to trust God for salvation but not yet know him and not really function in the love and the trustworthiness that he has to offer.

    00:01:06 John Murphy

    And those are very important things for us to have peace about life.

    00:01:09 John Murphy

    What we see frequently.

    00:01:11 John Murphy

    In our conversations with folks here is that they have trusted God for the issue of salvation, and they have a level peace.

    00:01:17 John Murphy

    There, but God offers to take all the burdens of life, parents and some of the children that we talked to are in a similar situation where they are not actually trusting God for more than salvation, and so they have basically a lot of the burdens of life are on them, and they're kind of on their own.

    00:01:33 John Murphy

    They're isolated and trying to take these things on and solve these problems in their own strength.

    00:01:37 John Murphy

    And so it's a really important aspect of the relationship that a parent has their child to begin to introduce God as being available and loving them deeply to fill their deepest needs and also to begin to trust him for all of the burdens of life, which is what his offer.

    00:01:52 Beth Murphy

    Is so the lack of this forms up the underpinnings.

    00:01:56 Beth Murphy

    Of worry, fear, anxiety, depression, that sense of that I'm all alone in life and not able to really personally connect with God and trust him and truly rest in him.

    00:02:09 Beth Murphy

    And in the way that he proposes and wants our faith to be, we wanted to start with the beginning.

    00:02:17 Beth Murphy

    Place here with the fact that all children have a set of what we call divine needs.

    00:02:23 Beth Murphy

    Those are deeply implanted needs that God put in everyone's heart.

    00:02:27 Beth Murphy

    That can only be filled by God, and in a trusting relationship with him it goes beyond like parents will express to us at Rockhouse that they're ready to go beyond telling their children Bible stories and having them have information about God and no things in the Old Testament know about Jesus, but they want to help.

    00:02:47 Beth Murphy

    Them connect personally, maybe even at a young age with relating to God and knowing the character of God and the.

    00:02:55 Beth Murphy

    Depth of their heart.

    00:02:56 John Murphy

    Another way of expressing is that we provide a lot of information, so God is in their head, but God is not.

    00:03:01 John Murphy

    Their heart and we need to.

    00:03:02 Beth Murphy

    Next it.

    00:03:04 John Murphy

    We need to get the God down in their heart and one of the reasons why is because that's where the need is.

    00:03:09 John Murphy

    It's really clear in Ecclesiastes 311 where it is explained to us that there is a need which has been implanted in every person's heart and in their mind as well, it says, but there's nothing that satisfies that.

    00:03:21 John Murphy

    Like God and the only way for this to be satisfied is in knowing and trusting God.

    00:03:26 John Murphy

    So that's why it's so important for the deepest needs of a child to be filled or a person, any person to be filled is knowing the truth about who God is and then trusting him to fill these empty places that can only be filled.

    00:03:38 John Murphy

    God, if we don't turn to God, then we basically pursue things which are not divine.

    00:03:43 John Murphy

    Trying to fill a divine need.

    00:03:45 Beth Murphy

    So this desire for eternity, the connection with God, helping your child make that connection is really a privilege.

    00:03:53 Beth Murphy

    It's a privilege that parents get to have to make that introduction and connect their child at whatever age they see the opportunity to make that direct.

    00:04:04 Beth Murphy

    Connect with God.

    00:04:05 Beth Murphy

    I think of it.

    00:04:05 Beth Murphy

    Kind of like plugging in a.

    00:04:07 Beth Murphy

    Well, socket it's not the head information where many adults too can check the correct answers based on what Scripture says on a true false questionnaire, but they don't know it in in the depth of our heart.

    00:04:20 Beth Murphy

    And so the Scripture talks about having Jesus making it clear I want the children to come to me.

    00:04:27 Beth Murphy

    Don't hinder them in the version.

    00:04:29 Beth Murphy

    In Luke I believe it is.

    00:04:30 Beth Murphy

    He's admonishing parents to not be a block to children coming to him.

    00:04:36 Beth Murphy

    Of course, we don't want to be that block.

    00:04:37 Beth Murphy

    We want to figure out how what's the way that we can.

    00:04:40 Beth Murphy

    And facilitate that in the deepest kind of a way, and often in simple kinds of ways.

    00:04:46 John Murphy

    Yes, this is not a super high level theological discussion.

    00:04:50 John Murphy

    This is this.

    00:04:51 John Murphy

    This has very specific, very clear applications to the quality of your child.

    00:04:56 John Murphy

    's life and the quality of the parenting experience a great example just to talk about in really practical terms.

    00:05:02 John Murphy

    Now is the story of the father who was putting their child to bed.

    00:05:06 John Murphy

    The child says Daddy, do you love me and he goes?

    00:05:08 John Murphy

    Yes, I love you.

    00:05:09 John Murphy

    Yeah, and then he gets about a yard away from the bed and try, you know, trying to settle the child down, but the child pops up again, but Daddy, do you love me and he goes?

    00:05:18 John Murphy

    Yes, I love you and then this happens two more times before he gets out of the room and he's answering yes every time in the affirmative.

    00:05:24 John Murphy

    And then they get turns.

    00:05:25 John Murphy

    The corners going down the hall and it's still happening and so.

    00:05:29 John Murphy

    People would look at that and go. Well, that's just an incorrigible child. Doesn't believe me when I tell them what it is that when I tell my truth, or you know, they we have this sort of human interaction reaction. But what we need to understand is that there's a reason why that Father's answer wasn't enough.

    00:05:44 John Murphy

    Is because this was the beginning of a child looking for something deeper.

    00:05:48 John Murphy

    What is happening?

    00:05:49 John Murphy

    We feel like in that situation is the child is beginning to sense that they have a level of need for a kind of love that they want to to get from their parents.

    00:05:58 John Murphy

    But the parents actually cannot satisfy that, so that divine need begins to bubble up, and so the answer to the question.

    00:06:05 John Murphy

    If the father could have turned around and gone back to the child and said I love you as well as I can, being an imperfect parent for as long as I'm going to be here, being mortal sounds like you really need to hear about God.

    00:06:17 John Murphy

    Who will love you perfectly and who will love you?

    00:06:19 John Murphy

    Really, and so this is the perspective that we have seen over and over again where the parent goes.

    00:06:25 John Murphy

    This is kind of a crazy conversation, and why don't they listen to me?

    00:06:28 John Murphy

    This doesn't make sense because there is this behind that activity or behind the behavior.

    00:06:34 John Murphy

    There's a need that there isn't really a worldly answer to.

    00:06:37 John Murphy

    There isn't apparent answer to, but there's still.

    00:06:40 John Murphy

    There's still an emptiness and that answer needs to come for them to really, truly settled.

    00:06:45 Beth Murphy

    So beautiful example.

    00:06:47 Beth Murphy

    Of that is a client.

    00:06:48 Beth Murphy

    A dad who was coming to Rockhaus after a series of things that had resulted in their family being disrupted internally and in family relationships outside the family in the neighborhood.

    00:07:02 Beth Murphy

    There's just a lot of disruption going on and the parents were in the process.

    00:07:06 Beth Murphy

    Of addressing their own hearts and changing and becoming more and more, I guess more and more assuring to their children more credible to their children because the children are soaking up the changed version of Mom and Dad and the the assurance about being loved and.

    00:07:27 Beth Murphy

    But Dad, noticing that the youngest child

    00:07:31 Beth Murphy

    Still has a lot of anxiety and fear and is standing in his doorway at bedtime.

    00:07:36 Beth Murphy

    Thinking about it's time to replace the batteries in the Night Lights and counting them and realizing there eight Night Lights in this child room and this child.

    00:07:45 Beth Murphy

    Has a hard time ever sleeping on his own without his parents?

    00:07:49 Beth Murphy

    And if he does sleep on his own, he's in little heap that covers at the foot.

    00:07:53 Beth Murphy

    Of the bed.

    00:07:54 Beth Murphy

    And just standing there asking God this is dad staying at the doorway, asking God what do I say to reassure him what popped into his mind were just the simple words that.

    00:08:04 Beth Murphy

    You know you can always come to our room.

    00:08:06 Beth Murphy

    If you want to but.

    00:08:09 Beth Murphy

    Know that God and Jesus are always with you.

    00:08:12 Beth Murphy

    They're always right here with you in your room or wherever you are.

    00:08:16 Beth Murphy

    They're here with you, even if we're not in the house or we're just down the hall, they're with you.

    00:08:21 Beth Murphy

    If you go over a friends house, they're always with you.

    00:08:24 Beth Murphy

    His version was, I think, way simpler than that.

    00:08:27 Beth Murphy

    But that was the message.

    00:08:29 Beth Murphy

    But I remember that he communicated the little boy.

    00:08:32 Beth Murphy

    Just looked at him and.

    00:08:33 Beth Murphy

    Did what a.

    00:08:34 Beth Murphy

    Child does.

    00:08:35 Beth Murphy

    He's in a trusting relationship with their parents, which is she just?

    00:08:38 Beth Murphy

    Went OK daddy.

    00:08:39 Beth Murphy

    And went to sleep.

    00:08:40 Beth Murphy

    It wasn't as simple as just that statement that night about the Night Lights had been preceded by the assurance of being loved and protected and secure, and that mom and dad.

    00:08:52 Beth Murphy

    Are there for you?

    00:08:53 Beth Murphy

    But then you know, again, back to this helping the child plug into the wall to connect directly to God.

    00:08:59 Beth Murphy

    That even though we're doing our very.

    00:09:01 Beth Murphy

    Best for you.

    00:09:02 Beth Murphy

    You know there is something more that you need and it's good.

    00:09:07 Beth Murphy

    'cause I, I can't.

    00:09:07 Beth Murphy

    Be there every minute of every day.

    00:09:09 Beth Murphy

    But God is.

    00:09:10 John Murphy

    So it's sort of a practical way of describing it.

    00:09:12 John Murphy

    Also, it is that there is this eternal need and it and that need can only be filled by the divine.

    00:09:19 John Murphy

    And what happens is the eternal need hits the limitations of the world, or the limitations of humanity to fill that need.

    00:09:26 John Murphy

    Those are the opportunities that we have to say OK, well, there is a divine solution.

    00:09:30 John Murphy

    It's now time to talk about it.

    00:09:32 John Murphy

    What we have seen through our experience, the most critical need they have is true unconditional love and a lot of parents will say, well, I'm loving them unconditionally.

    00:09:39 John Murphy

    But the reality is, is that you can't love unconditionally anymore than you can as a human.

    00:09:44 John Murphy

    True unconditional love is a divine thing.

    00:09:46 John Murphy

    It's a perfect thing.

    00:09:47 John Murphy

    There is literally no condition whatsoever.

    00:09:50 John Murphy

    That's something that God offers, and that's a really critical piece, because everyone, including children, need to know that no matter how badly they've messed up, no matter what's wrong with their thinking.

    00:09:59 John Murphy

    What's wrong with their room?

    00:10:00 John Murphy

    What's wrong with their grade?

    00:10:01 John Murphy

    It's that no matter what goes on that there is an entity who knows everything about them and knows every mistake they've ever made and does nothing but love them back.

    00:10:10 John Murphy

    We all need.

    00:10:11 John Murphy

    That because there's a limit to how much we're willing to trust in people to love us.

    00:10:15 John Murphy

    We're always kind of holding a certain amount of the reality of our lives back from others 'cause we're afraid that maybe they would reject us if they really knew the full.

    00:10:21 John Murphy

    The truth, well, you can just sense inside of you that it is.

    00:10:24 John Murphy

    We all need to have this understanding that there is an entity who completely knows literally every detail of our lives and loves us completely.

    00:10:33 John Murphy

    And that's the basis of a lot of assurance and a basic.

    00:10:35 John Murphy

    Of a lot.

    00:10:35 John Murphy

    Of worth is that when someone loves you despite your behavior, that establishes a level of.

    00:10:41 John Murphy

    Worth and that my worth is not based on.

    00:10:44 John Murphy

    Performance, so that's one of the the critical ones, and it has to do with a lot of assurance about self worth and self identity.

    00:10:51 John Murphy

    And then another big one is just a sense of purpose in life.

    00:10:54 John Murphy

    The the two things that sort of the on the top of the list are piece about self and then piece in the perspective of purpose.

    00:11:01 John Murphy

    Knowing what is knowing.

    00:11:04 John Murphy

    Where I'm going in life?

    00:11:05 John Murphy

    What's the significance of my life going to be?

    00:11:07 John Murphy

    And really, both of those things are.

    00:11:10 John Murphy

    Only available and completely and it can only be completely satisfied with trusting God for the answers of those things, and so we have this ability to, as we said, the privilege to begin to answer those questions.

    00:11:23 John Murphy

    And we also need to understand that we don't have the answer to that question.

    00:11:26 John Murphy

    We can't have the answer to that question, 'cause that's a.

    00:11:28 John Murphy

    Divine answer, but.

    00:11:30 John Murphy

    We have this amazing opportunity to still fill the needs of our child by allowing God into the conversation and letting him be.

    00:11:37 John Murphy

    The answer.

    00:11:38 Beth Murphy

    I'm just thinking if you're talking about Scripture that reveals that we have this core desire to be fully known and fully.

    00:11:44 Beth Murphy

    Loved which is.

    00:11:45 Beth Murphy

    What God describes that he does just as you were saying, our children just need what we need, so we as parents want to go first and kind of lead the way connecting with God to know that I am fully known and fully loved by God.

    00:11:59 Beth Murphy

    That he does have a plan and a purpose for my life.

    00:12:02 Beth Murphy

    Which and there's peace in both of those things.

    00:12:04 Beth Murphy

    Even if you don't have specifics about what the plan or purpose is in a given season.

    00:12:08 Beth Murphy

    Of your life, just.

    00:12:09 Beth Murphy

    Knowing that he's got the big picture taken care of and it's going to unfold in the different times in your life.

    00:12:15 Beth Murphy

    It's just that that rock solid kind of foundation situations in life can bring up the need to know God's character as life hits. As the questions of life hit, and so they can happen.

    00:12:29 Beth Murphy

    Early in life, or maybe not until later.

    00:12:31 Beth Murphy

    We always talk with our clients about their earliest awareness.

    00:12:35 Beth Murphy

    Of a deep aching longing, a deep divine need that parents couldn't feel nobody could feel.

    00:12:41 Beth Murphy

    It's fascinating, the ways in which those things take shape.

    00:12:44 Beth Murphy

    Sometimes people report very early. Awareness is. Sometimes people don't really have one that they're aware till their 12 or their 25. But the kinds of things that go through.

    00:12:55 Beth Murphy

    Everybody, mind.

    00:12:57 John Murphy

    An example of that was my my own and it's a part of the workbook I talk about this experience, but I remember being very young, walking back from the.

    00:13:04 John Murphy

    Mailbox and just having this recognition that I'm not eternal, that I'm mortal that I'm going to die and it was upsetting 'cause there wasn't an answer for that.

    00:13:13 John Murphy

    And so I went straight to my father to try to find out the answer.

    00:13:16 John Murphy

    And he being a doctor.

    00:13:18 John Murphy

    Gave me the sort of scientific, physiological, biological outcome of death.

    00:13:21 John Murphy

    Obviously, that didn't solve the problem.

    00:13:23 John Murphy

    I would probably say that that made it worse at that point when I recognize that was mortal, I needed to actually be told that my spirit is return.

    00:13:31 John Murphy

    And that's where my peace comes from and that that spirit is going to live with God.

    00:13:34 John Murphy

    Someone who loves me perfectly and will love me forever, I needed to hear that assurance at that time.

    00:13:39 John Murphy

    And instead of that, and because I didn't have that assurance, it left a level of torment and anxiety and uncertainty, which my behaviors growing up were partly about trying to cover.

    00:13:51 John Murphy

    The loss of peace I had about that uncertainty, and the idea that this was all just going to end up as a biological degrading back to dust, sort of.

    00:14:00 John Murphy

    Parents that there was something in me that just could not be OK with that.

    00:14:03 Beth Murphy

    Children ask all kinds of these sorts of eternal questions.

    00:14:06 Beth Murphy

    Then they can begin to come to light or come into their minds when they see things going on and their friends families.

    00:14:13 Beth Murphy

    Maybe their friends parent dies or their friends parents divorce or something and they start wondering, huh, wonder what happens to me if that happens.

    00:14:22 Beth Murphy

    What happens if you die or you go away?

    00:14:24 Beth Murphy

    Can even get stirred up, you know a parent is going on a trip for a month and they've never been away.

    00:14:31 Beth Murphy

    Before, and that can stir up the thought that wait a minute, wait a minute.

    00:14:35 Beth Murphy

    Things can change here.

    00:14:36 Beth Murphy

    In life I.

    00:14:37 Beth Murphy

    Might have a parent gone for a while.

    00:14:38 Beth Murphy

    What does that mean?

    00:14:39 Beth Murphy

    Is this pulling the rug out from under me in life and so parents just want to recognize the significance of those kinds of questions?

    00:14:46 Beth Murphy

    And even if their child appears to sort of get over it and move on just to recognize.

    00:14:51 Beth Murphy

    If there's really an opportunity to speak into that with love and assurance and God's plan for our lives, regardless of whether the things, the circumstances of life change.

    00:15:02 John Murphy

    So a couple of questions that we've heard coming through which make a lot of sense that these obviously are eternal questions.

    00:15:08 John Murphy

    One is what happens to me when you are gone, and that's a really clear one.

    00:15:12 John Murphy

    I'm looking to you as my parent.

    00:15:13 John Murphy

    I count on you for caring for me and leading me in life and giving me the things that I need to be OK and sustaining me.

    00:15:20 John Murphy

    Comforting me, you're the.

    00:15:22 John Murphy

    You hear the protector in my life.

    00:15:24 John Murphy

    One of the questions that we've heard from through parents and sometimes directly from children is that question.

    00:15:29 John Murphy

    What happens to me when you're gone?

    00:15:32 John Murphy

    Well, that is an internal question.

    00:15:33 John Murphy

    Obviously you don't have an answer.

    00:15:35 John Murphy

    You can't tell them anything that says that answers that question satisfies that need with what is within your what you can credibly say about your ability to deal with that problem that falls clearly into a category of an internal question, because there is sort of this.

    00:15:50 John Murphy

    The future, the.

    00:15:51 John Murphy

    Future is uncertain when I consider the idea that you will not be a part of my life.

    00:15:55 John Murphy

    So I need an answer that's bigger than you, so to kind of answer in that that's an opportunity, and in that situation a parent can say I'm going to.

    00:16:04 John Murphy

    Take care of you as well as I can and love you as well as I can, and direct you in life as well as I can for as long as I'm going to be here.

    00:16:12 John Murphy

    As an imperfect person, but you need to know that there is a God who was with you forever who has promised to take care of you and his spirit will lead you no matter what comes.

    00:16:21 John Murphy

    Even if I'm not around and I can roll into.

    00:16:23 John Murphy

    So let's talk about trusting God in this, and let me tell you about who God is and how much he loves you and someone who loves you.

    00:16:29 John Murphy

    That much is clearly going to nurture you and lead you and care for you in life.

    00:16:33 John Murphy

    The fear about the parent being gone is understood in a very different way when when the full context of their life, which includes a relationship with Lord, is.

    00:16:41 John Murphy

    Understood on the issue.

    00:16:43 Beth Murphy

    Of purpose in life, there's a question that children and adults can ask, which is essentially is this all there is whatever I can see on my horizon.

    00:16:53 Beth Murphy

    Is this all there is?

    00:16:55 Beth Murphy

    Meaning I'm not really connected directly to God, so I'm feeling kind of empty, so the earliest example of that that I've had reported.

    00:17:05 Beth Murphy

    Is a client who said.

    00:17:07 Beth Murphy

    Better she sort of remembered this, but her parents vividly remembered when she was four or five years old and came home from daycare and plopped her little book bag down in a table and sighed loudly and said, OK, I got up this morning and we had breakfast and I went to daycare.

    00:17:23 Beth Murphy

    And now I'm home.

    00:17:25 Beth Murphy

    We're going to do things around the house tonight and I'm going to go to bed.

    00:17:27 Beth Murphy

    And then I'm going to get up tomorrow decent.

    00:17:29 Beth Murphy

    Thing is that all there is to my life. Wow, right there that's it. That's the heart cry for a deeper sense of purpose, a purpose beyond what I can see in what I'm doing in my life and my horizon. Or I can understand and they need to know that God's the one who.

    00:17:49 Beth Murphy

    Saw you before you were fully formed.

    00:17:52 Beth Murphy

    Created you with the purpose of knowing him personally, relating to him personally.

    00:17:58 Beth Murphy

    Him allowing you to be changed to have more of the character of Christ and then the purpose or the meaning or the functions of your life unfolding as life goes on and there will be many different seasons.

    00:18:08 Beth Murphy

    Out of that, but.

    00:18:10 Beth Murphy

    The deepest foundational need for purpose is set in motion, and the answer to it is your deepest purpose is connecting directly to the God who loves you and created you and will always.

    00:18:23 Beth Murphy

    Be with you.

    00:18:24 John Murphy

    Here's a situation I think a lot of parents can relate to, and this is a real one that's reported to us by an adult who it hit him when we talked about the eternal question, when did he start to feel like that something was missing for him?

    00:18:35 John Murphy

    It was Christmas.

    00:18:37 John Murphy

    And yet all these packages that run to the tree, it was like Christmas afternoon and he said he can remember vividly where the tree was.

    00:18:43 John Murphy

    All the packages were open and he was sitting there going.

    00:18:46 John Murphy

    Is this all there is to life?

    00:18:49 John Murphy

    That's a great example.

    00:18:50 John Murphy

    If you've ever experienced a child who's had a lot of excitement who's looking forward to the things that come at Christmas, that's going.

    00:18:55 John Murphy

    To make their life really wonder.

    00:18:56 John Murphy

    Well and joyous and everything that they're expecting is all wrapped up.

    00:19:01 John Murphy

    And those things that are wrapped up under the tree after Christmas pretty quickly and they're back to themselves there, even maybe some disappointment.

    00:19:09 John Murphy

    There actually might be a little bit of a cloud over them, and you wonder now, wait a minute.

    00:19:14 John Murphy

    I gave this child everything they wanted for Christmas or maybe.

    00:19:17 John Murphy

    Significant things they wanted for Christmas.

    00:19:18 John Murphy

    Why are they in this place of now?

    00:19:21 John Murphy

    They don't feel like it?

    00:19:22 John Murphy

    It's not like they're happy, but they got the gifts.

    00:19:24 John Murphy

    Well, what happened was is that they had an anticipation that these things under the tree were going to fill something deep inside and her life was going to be great and wonderful again.

    00:19:32 John Murphy

    And there in the way in which they think.

    00:19:34 John Murphy

    Got it, but once they actually experienced what was under the tree, there was still an emptiness and I experienced the same thing and myself growing up.

    00:19:43 John Murphy

    I can remember that as well, but this was a client who came in and brought this story in and so you may have experienced that.

    00:19:49 John Murphy

    Your child has a focus on something that they represent is really going to be a breakthrough for.

    00:19:54 John Murphy

    The way their life feels.

    00:19:55 John Murphy

    And then they get it and then all of a sudden it's just not that big a deal because there was an expectation that something was going to be satisfied and and once The thing is realized once, The thing is is obtained or achieved.

    00:20:08 John Murphy

    Then they kind of go.

    00:20:10 John Murphy

    It's county and.

    00:20:11 Beth Murphy

    That's very familiar to adults, to certainly clients and all of us have probably experienced some version of maybe it's achieving a goal or an accolade, or or some sort of accomplishment and then realizing shortly after, so someone recently just talked about becoming valedictorian.

    00:20:29 Beth Murphy

    And then it lasted for about 5 minutes.

    00:20:31 Beth Murphy

    And a lot goes into becoming a valedictorian, and the realization that even that wasn't enough and couldn't be enough because it can't possibly meet a deeply implanted divine need.

    00:20:42 Beth Murphy

    'cause that money can only be satisfied by God himself, and so opportunities that present themselves.

    00:20:48 Beth Murphy

    In life you think about life now.

    00:20:51 Beth Murphy

    Just the upsetting sorts of circumstances clearly outside our control or the child control or the parents control are things like riots and fires, virus the COVID thing, death, the loss of say it's a grandparent or an aunt, or the.

    00:21:08 Beth Murphy

    Neighbor who's parent died, and suddenly the realization that people that you love can die and be gone.

    00:21:15 Beth Murphy

    Those are big things in life that again a child may look like they kind of get over it and move on.

    00:21:21 Beth Murphy

    But we want.

    00:21:21 Beth Murphy

    To recognize in.

    00:21:23 Beth Murphy

    The moment that this is really a wonderful parenting opportunity.

    00:21:27 Beth Murphy

    To give them your personal parental love and assurance.

    00:21:30 Beth Murphy

    But also go ahead and do that thing of connecting them directly and the truth of what you know to be true about God and his love protection and his presence ever present.

    00:21:41 Beth Murphy

    In their lives.

    00:21:42 John Murphy

    Just a real quick phrase that helps people get their perspective is that when there isn't a problem which is bigger than you, then you need a God that's bigger than it to be at peace.

    00:21:52 John Murphy

    You have to have a place you can go in the midst of something is totally out of your.

    00:21:56 John Murphy

    Control where you can take refuge where you can trust and trust in that for your.

    00:22:00 John Murphy

    Whenever you have a problem, you've got to have something bigger than the problem to have peace about the problem that you can trust in, and that's kind of a quick way of looking at as kids bump into these sort of big and they will and I'm sure they many people have experienced the way in which a child reacts to something that.

    00:22:16 John Murphy

    The parent really can't control when they're trying to console them, and they try to tell them why it's OK and we bring them a lot of of comfort, but it's limited to us and what we can tell them about what we can do, or about situations or ways to rationalize it.

    00:22:30 John Murphy

    They need a bigger answer.

    00:22:31 Beth Murphy

    So a problem develops for children when.

    00:22:35 Beth Murphy

    The parents are on what we call the God pedestal, or in the God socket and the place in the child's heart because parents are in this role.

    00:22:44 Beth Murphy

    That's a unique place of divine authority, and they're representing God we we call parents the gods of our youth, because that's how God set it up.

    00:22:54 Beth Murphy

    He's intended for parents.

    00:22:55 Beth Murphy

    To be an ambassador for him and to represent him.

    00:22:58 Beth Murphy

    And they start their lives with total dependency.

    00:23:01 Beth Murphy

    Of course, for all of their needs and looking to parents as the answer for everything.

    00:23:07 Beth Murphy

    They're the people with the answers they they run the world and the planet.

    00:23:12 Beth Murphy

    But what happens is over time, of course everyone comes into the awareness that their parents are flawed in some way.

    00:23:18 Beth Murphy

    In other words, they come off the God pedestal and maybe a child as they get older views their parents as hypocritical or unsatisfactory.

    00:23:27 Beth Murphy

    Just they're not getting it done.

    00:23:28 Beth Murphy

    They're not meeting their needs.

    00:23:29 John Murphy

    Well, they just don't have the answer to the.

    00:23:31 John Murphy

    Thing that I want.

    00:23:32 Beth Murphy

    Right, they just they don't.

    00:23:33 Beth Murphy

    They don't truly don't have.

    00:23:35 Beth Murphy

    The answer and so in that inevitable sort of discontent.

    00:23:39 Beth Murphy

    It comes from a child looking to parents to fill their deep divine meets going all the way back to that example that you gave about the little girl saying, Daddy, do you love me?

    00:23:50 Beth Murphy

    No amount of assurance, he said it every different way you could think of, but no amount of assurance.

    00:23:55 Beth Murphy

    Was enough 'cause she needed the assurance of God's love. We can pre empt the level of discontent that can come later in life for a child by just recognizing these things earlier on. They may.

    00:24:07 Beth Murphy

    Have had a confession of faith, they may, they may know a lot about Jesus and they may have a lot of Bible stories in their minds or information in their minds.

    00:24:17 Beth Murphy

    But not have that direct connection or relationship, and so the good news is that parents have a tremendous amount of credibility with children.

    00:24:27 Beth Murphy

    Certainly when they're young, I mean they're just like open little flowers.

    00:24:30 Beth Murphy

    I just envisioned you know, open child water and can you just pour into them whatever you're pouring into them, they're going to soak it up.

    00:24:37 Beth Murphy

    But even what we see to be true consistently is that children quote unquote could be in their late teens 20s.

    00:24:44 Beth Murphy

    Eighty in their 30s.

    00:24:45 Beth Murphy

    We have had parenting clients.

    00:24:47 Beth Murphy

    Where their children were adults, but the parents were recognizing that they are the ones that could have an influence on their child.

    00:24:56 Beth Murphy

    's life because of even if they live in different states they have a place of divine.

    00:25:02 Beth Murphy

    Authority in their child.

    00:25:03 Beth Murphy

    's life and so the recognition of that and the understanding that.

    00:25:08 Beth Murphy

    Wow, this is a real opportunity.

    00:25:10 Beth Murphy

    This is an opportunity for me as a parent.

    00:25:12 Beth Murphy

    To demonstrate things that are foundational to the character of God.

    00:25:17 John Murphy

    So it's not only speaking directly into and explaining, but there's also the demonstration piece to the extent that we can relate to and function in this and the truth of who God is and testify to his will through actually how we run our lives when we are, we have loss of peace.

    00:25:33 John Murphy

    Do we pray, do we?

    00:25:34 John Murphy

    Are we looking for God for the answers to our own?

    00:25:36 John Murphy

    Personal divine needs.

    00:25:38 John Murphy

    Do we express a assurance about a situation because of trusting in God?

    00:25:43 John Murphy

    Those things are really critical.

    00:25:45 John Murphy

    So not only is it just speaking in and having to find you don't have to find the right moment, you can just live it out.

    00:25:50 John Murphy

    Children are constantly looking at.

    00:25:52 John Murphy

    The gods are very used to understand how the world works and how they satisfy their own needs and what's valuable and what's important so as parents live this trusting God out in front of them.

    00:26:02 John Murphy

    That's also a significant.

    00:26:03 John Murphy

    Communication and the the child is definitely going to be taking that in.

    00:26:07 Beth Murphy

    As well, so an interesting example.

    00:26:09 Beth Murphy

    A story of a boy who he was telling this later in life, but he was talking about when he.

    00:26:14 Beth Murphy

    Was about 12.

    00:26:16 Beth Murphy

    I guess it was a scene where there's a snowstorm.

    00:26:19 Beth Murphy

    He and his friend are picked up by the friends mom from school.

    00:26:23 Beth Murphy

    One of these.

    00:26:23 Beth Murphy

    Crazy things that sometimes can happen in Middle Tennessee, where there it's very hilly and the roads get icy and a 20 minute drive home back from school.

    00:26:33 Beth Murphy

    It snow storm that came up suddenly that 20 minute drive.

    00:26:36 Beth Murphy

    Took about 4 1/2 hours.

    00:26:37 Beth Murphy

    Throughout that time, the friend's mom was driving along, talking out loud to God all the time. Just OK.

    00:26:45 Beth Murphy

    Do we go straight through this red light so that we don't skid and hit that car or do what we do right now?

    00:26:51 Beth Murphy

    How do we take this hill? OK now and just the whole 4 1/2 hours was weaving.

    00:26:58 Beth Murphy

    Through all of that, just listening to God and it was a peaceful 4 1/2 hours and driving through the midst of cars that are all going off the side of the road in the ditch and all kinds of things are happening and it's just interesting that there's a lot to notice in that the child takeaway was.

    00:27:14 Beth Murphy

    Seeing what it meant.

    00:27:15 Beth Murphy

    In a practical way to truly depend on God.

    00:27:17 John Murphy

    Another aspect of this is just keeping in mind that a lot of the strife and disappointment in the relationship that parents may have with their children could be around this.

    00:27:26 John Murphy

    You don't have to worry about understanding and interpreting everything a child says and trying to worry about whether or not that's a.

    00:27:34 John Murphy

    External question or what I mean?

    00:27:36 John Murphy

    You basically can't start this at any age.

    00:27:38 John Murphy

    You don't have to find the particular line, but the more and more the sooner in which we begin to help the child move the information from their head to their heart and recognize God as an entity that loves them and they can trust in early on.

    00:27:51 John Murphy

    Then it just becomes part of the culture of the family.

    00:27:54 John Murphy

    Frustrations don't get experienced because the answer is already there.

    00:27:58 Beth Murphy

    So when we look at this is even to think about things that are challenging or difficult or irritating and parenting.

    00:28:04 Beth Murphy

    If you begin to look at it as all right now, this is this is a symptom of something and this is maybe an opportunity that I could speak into here.

    00:28:12 Beth Murphy

    So examples of that kind of thing, or when a child of any age is inconsolable.

    00:28:18 Beth Murphy

    About something or they talk about they.

    00:28:20 Beth Murphy

    They're older and they're using words like devastating.

    00:28:23 Beth Murphy

    The boyfriend, girlfriend breakup was devastate.

    00:28:26 Beth Murphy

    Seeing what those people said to me at lunch and in the cafeteria at school crushed me.

    00:28:33 Beth Murphy

    So that's a recognition that something deep has been hit there.

    00:28:37 Beth Murphy

    And rather than talking him out of why the boyfriend was a bad actor anyway and don't really want him in your life and those.

    00:28:44 Beth Murphy

    Kids at launch really probably didn't mean what they said instead of that which we may all tend to do just to really start hearing, what are they expressing and what's the divine need that they're they're yearning for here?

    00:28:56 Beth Murphy

    What is the assurance that they need to know?

    00:28:59 Beth Murphy

    About that God loves them.

    00:29:01 Beth Murphy

    Their value their worth that life isn't really riding on someone elses approval or acceptance.

    00:29:07 Beth Murphy

    But God loves them with no risk of rejection and that they are perfectly loved and adored and comforted and protected.

    00:29:14 Beth Murphy

    And these other people.

    00:29:15 Beth Murphy

    These external things aren't the indication of that.

    00:29:18 John Murphy

    I think another quick way of thinking about this is when your child exhibits behavior that doesn't make sense to you, you have to understand that it probably makes sense to them.

    00:29:28 John Murphy

    And so your challenge is to figure out why it makes sense to them, and then bring in the answer.

    00:29:32 John Murphy

    That's how we're going to solve this problem so many times we've heard bewildered parents about the behavior of their children, and they've tried to do what they can to control the behavior or control the attitude or whatever it is.

    00:29:44 John Murphy

    And one things that we open up for them is this opportunity to understand that.

    00:29:48 John Murphy

    That might make sense to them.

    00:29:49 John Murphy

    Consider that actually there's a rational basis for that, and look into.

    00:29:54 John Murphy

    Well, if you consider the divine needs every child has and you consider how it is that they're doing life and that that's not filling that need, then that would make sense that they're wildly frustrated when really seemingly insignificant things happen to them.

    00:30:07 Beth Murphy

    And that applies at all ages.

    00:30:08 Beth Murphy

    Just thinking about now as a grandparent, watching a son and daughter-in-law deal with a 2 year old and the way of expressing love that comes out, they're just having an understanding perspective of what life feels like to a 2 year old, and so they're addressing things you know they're dealing with things that need to be dealt with.

    00:30:27 Beth Murphy

    And the way they need to be dealt with.

    00:30:29 Beth Murphy

    All across the spectrum, but it comes from rather than being bewildered by.

    00:30:34 Beth Murphy

    You know some obviously irrational seeming responses to things they're seeing it for.

    00:30:40 Beth Murphy

    What it means from a 2 year old and then speaking to that child heart and that child need and as.

    00:30:45 Beth Murphy

    They children get older.

    00:30:46 Beth Murphy

    And they do things like extreme things.

    00:30:49 Beth Murphy

    They have what we call, where they're obsessing on things.

    00:30:52 Beth Murphy

    We call it an air hose.

    00:30:53 Beth Murphy

    In other words, they're acting like this thing.

    00:30:55 Beth Murphy

    Their video game, their electronics, their friend group is foundational to their existence in life, and without them they don't know if they can go on alright, so.

    00:31:06 Beth Murphy

    It can be, you know.

    00:31:07 Beth Murphy

    You know, distressing or irritating, however, you happen to feel in a given day, but what you want to be able to do is just begin to just what you said.

    00:31:15 Beth Murphy

    Just look at it for why is this making sense to them.

    00:31:19 Beth Murphy

    The parent restricts or pulls away video games and the child runs away and leaves a suicide note.

    00:31:25 Beth Murphy

    OK, that's a real example and so.

    00:31:28 Beth Murphy

    So what we want to do is get at the why.

    00:31:31 Beth Murphy

    Obviously all they're trying to control the behaviors has done nothing but ramp it up and make it.

    00:31:35 Beth Murphy

    Worse, because we.

    00:31:36 Beth Murphy

    Got to get to what's going on in their heart and understanding what is their divine need.

    00:31:42 Beth Murphy

    What's the deficit there that we want to address and fail?

    00:31:46 John Murphy

    I just feel like I have to say.

    00:31:47 John Murphy

    It again, if you observe behavior that makes absolutely no rational sense.

    00:31:51 John Murphy

    To you.

    00:31:52 John Murphy

    You have to understand that if you'd live their life if you were exactly where they were, if you experienced everything they experience.

    00:31:59 John Murphy

    If you were experiencing the needs they were experiencing their culture, their family, experiencing their friends, and experiencing their school.

    00:32:05 John Murphy

    If you saw it from their experience, it actually probably makes perfect sense.

    00:32:09 John Murphy

    Well, the great thing about all this is that we're not alone in parenting our children.

    00:32:12 John Murphy

    Obviously, the model we talked about last time that we want to try to parent our children as godparents.

    00:32:18 John Murphy

    And that's a place of unconditional love and acceptance.

    00:32:20 John Murphy

    The next level of this is OK.

    00:32:23 John Murphy

    How do I partner with God in this?

    00:32:25 John Murphy

    And we've alluded to it a little bit earlier, but it's important to understand that.

    00:32:28 John Murphy

    You are not.

    00:32:29 John Murphy

    Alone you have a limitation based on who you are and your experiences and your beliefs and all your things you have.

    00:32:36 John Murphy

    There's a limit to how much.

    00:32:37 John Murphy

    A parent can actually solved and parent in a way that is similar to God.

    00:32:43 John Murphy

    There's it we are not divine.

    00:32:45 John Murphy

    We're not going to get there, so there's a limit to how closely we can reflect God's Claire character because.

    00:32:49 John Murphy

    Other people, but the great thing is, is that God backfills from there he can take it wherever whatever limit we have whatever limit the child may be frustrated because they're experiencing it.

    00:32:59 John Murphy

    That is a time to understand that the the the total answer and the success of your child's life is going to be based on you doing the best you can as a parent and making sure to introduce.

    00:33:10 John Murphy

    God to be right behind you and backfilling for everything else they need.

    00:33:14 John Murphy

    There's a level at which they can trust you to do those things as well as you can, and then for whatever things where because of your story you've done, you're at your limit.

    00:33:23 John Murphy

    We introduce them to God and then God fills the rest of their need and to me I just love the just the way that that takes the load off.

    00:33:31 John Murphy

    You get in a situation where there can be anger and frustration.

    00:33:35 John Murphy

    And conflict back and forth between.

    00:33:36 John Murphy

    Parents and children.

    00:33:39 John Murphy

    There can be a lot of sense of burden of how am I going to solve this problem?

    00:33:42 John Murphy

    It's on me to solve this thing and actually the reality of it is that you're not alone, but you still get to be the answer.

    00:33:48 John Murphy

    So you have this amazing opportunity to partner with God to fill everything, every need your child has so you still get to be the answer you still be.

    00:33:57 John Murphy

    You still get the privilege of seeing the child life be peaceful and fulfilled and go the right direction, but.

    00:34:04 John Murphy

    'cause they have trusted you to the level at which you are able to fill their needs and then they move into the trust of trusting God for the rest and then they are fulfilled people they have their deepest needs satisfied and that's a wonderful thing to be able to recognize that you still get to have the answer.

    00:34:21 John Murphy

    But the answer is God.

    00:34:22 Beth Murphy

    One of the most beautiful things.

    00:34:24 Beth Murphy

    That we see in working with parents here at Rockhouse is they may be in the midst of an embroiled parent teenager conflict just to watch that unwind.

    00:34:35 Beth Murphy

    Not because we're meeting with the teenage.

    00:34:37 Beth Murphy

    When we meet.

    00:34:39 Beth Murphy

    With them once.

    00:34:40 Beth Murphy

    We're meeting with parents and helping the parents understand what's going on in their own heart and what's going on in.

    00:34:46 Beth Murphy

    Their child's.

    00:34:46 Beth Murphy

    Heart the result of that is that parents change and they shift in.

    00:34:50 Beth Murphy

    The relationship shifts, and fascinatingly also with younger children.

    00:34:54 Beth Murphy

    They can preempt that whole season.

    00:34:57 Beth Murphy

    That is assuming that our culture is unavoidable, that teenagers are going to rebel, there's going to be all this strife in the family.

    00:35:03 Beth Murphy

    It's miserable, people just kind of roll their eyes and go, well, you know I have a teenager at home and you know how bad that can be.

    00:35:09 Beth Murphy

    Well, what we see is that no.

    00:35:11 Beth Murphy

    Actually, it doesn't have to be like that.

    00:35:14 Beth Murphy

    And isn't like that.

    00:35:16 Beth Murphy

    As relationships turn around and parents are more and more able to rest and God and trusting God themselves begin to translate differently, but it's back to breaking the code in their child's heart, helping the child break the code and the parents heart and all of the dynamic begins to change and again, really cool that as parents are doing this when their children.

    00:35:36 Beth Murphy

    Or younger than they find that they can preempt that entire negative season as the child gets older.

    00:35:42 John Murphy

    So we just want to say that it does happen later in life as well.

    00:35:45 John Murphy

    Someone, a teenager or maybe early college kind of age.

    00:35:48 John Murphy

    We have seen so many scenarios where there's this isolation and the separation and it turns into the child showing up.

    00:35:54 John Murphy

    At family chores, more engaged with what's happening, investing more in the family and doing the things which allow the family to prosper and succeed.

    00:36:04 John Murphy

    They go from not wanting to be around, staying in their own room to coming and sitting down beside Dad and just wanting to talk.

    00:36:10 John Murphy

    I mean, it's an amazing.

    00:36:12 John Murphy

    It's really almost miraculous the way and certainly.

    00:36:14 John Murphy

    Feels miraculous from the perspective of the parent.

    00:36:16 John Murphy

    When this behavior starts shifting and all they have done is to partner.

    00:36:21 Beth Murphy

    With God, parents can speak truth to their children and have it stick.

    00:36:26 Beth Murphy

    Because of the way that parents carry that's put in place by God's design that parents are in this role of divine authority as ambassadors representatives of God.

    00:36:37 Beth Murphy

    At any age.

    00:36:39 Beth Murphy

    A parent has a level of importance and credibility with their child, even in in a strange relationship, and they want and need the acceptance of their parents.

    00:36:49 Beth Murphy

    The approval of their parents and the sense that their parents love them.

    00:36:51 Beth Murphy

    Even if they mess up.

    00:36:53 John Murphy

    Yeah, and I think no matter what age I can tell there's still something they want to hear from their parents.

    00:36:58 John Murphy

    They still want that message of whatever it is that's going to fill that empty thing inside of them, and it can be anywhere everywhere.

    00:37:04 John Murphy

    From do you realize how much I love you to do?

    00:37:07 John Murphy

    You realize how much God loves you and he's been with you your whole life?

    00:37:09 John Murphy

    I mean, even kids who are in their 60s you can talk to them and see my.

    00:37:14 John Murphy

    I never heard this and so it's still.

    00:37:17 John Murphy

    It's still available to be healed.

    00:37:19 John Murphy

    And so you don't ever give up on the opportunity to bring the answer to your children.

    00:37:23 John Murphy

    There are two assurances that where we're partnering with God that are so important that if you just wrote these down and went and try to work this into a conversation with your children, it's going to make a huge difference.

    00:37:37 John Murphy

    And the first one has to do with love and and so here's an example of how to communicate what it is, and you put it in your own words.

    00:37:44 John Murphy

    But I communicate what it is that your child needs to hear, and it is I love you as well as I can.

    00:37:51 John Murphy

    For as long as I'm here to love you.

    00:37:53 John Murphy

    But don't worry, because God's love is divinely unconditional, perfect and eternal.

    00:38:00 John Murphy

    Put whatever words around that you want, but that is a message that your children need to hear.

    00:38:05 John Murphy

    And that has to do with the unconditional love aspect, which is on the top of the list of what every human being and every child needs to hear.

    00:38:12 John Murphy

    And on another one that's really important.

    00:38:14 John Murphy

    And here's one you can put in your own words as well, but this is another way to express assurance from God and really is.

    00:38:20 John Murphy

    Basically a partnering statement that we're going to partner.

    00:38:23 John Murphy

    I'm partnering with God to give you everything you need in this in this category and so here's another.

    00:38:27 John Murphy

    One I will.

    00:38:28 John Murphy

    Do my imperfect best to provide for your needs and lead you in life.

    00:38:33 John Murphy

    But you need to know that God can be trusted to fill all your needs, even when I'm gone, including direction to living a life that is deeply fulfilling.

    00:38:44 John Murphy

    That is a very reassuring message, and it completes the spectrum of need and the spectrum of who's going to solve what problem.

    00:38:52 John Murphy

    I'm here, as long as I can.

    00:38:54 John Murphy

    But this God is out there and he is here for eternity, and he is the backfill of this relationship.

    00:38:59 John Murphy

    You do not have to have fear about.

    00:39:01 John Murphy

    I'm not going to be here forever.

    00:39:03 John Murphy

    Or if over focus on me as the answer to divine needs, and that's why we want to do as quickly as we can, we want to get off the pedestal as Beth said, and get God on the pedestal for the big needs in life that we never had a chance to fill because they were.

    00:39:19 Beth Murphy

    Always divine, we're very sensitive actually to the fact that engaging God to partner with you in parenting.

    00:39:25 Beth Murphy

    Absolutely takes some more change for parents because we didn't come into the parent role with.

    00:39:30 Beth Murphy

    As we said in owners manual or exact instructions and we're all you know on the job.

    00:39:36 Beth Murphy

    Training and so a big portion of this means looking at our hearts and dealing with any wrong understandings that.

    00:39:45 Beth Murphy

    We may have about.

    00:39:45 Beth Murphy

    God and the ways that those things can manifest can be.

    00:39:48 Beth Murphy

    Recognizing that instead of trusting God, I'm doing all kinds of controlling things.

    00:39:54 Beth Murphy

    I'm trying to control and fix my child.

    00:39:56 Beth Murphy

    And hover over them.

    00:39:57 Beth Murphy

    And tell them for the 14th time about this behavior, I want them to stop.

    00:40:03 Beth Murphy

    And basically I'm just frantically relying on my own control strategy to try to get the child behavior to line up without realizing it.

    00:40:12 Beth Murphy

    What I'm doing in that is I'm modeling that I trust my control instead of trusting God, so if.

    00:40:17 Beth Murphy

    If that's the.

    00:40:18 Beth Murphy

    Case then I just want to begin to.

    00:40:20 Beth Murphy

    Engage with God and ask for help in.

    00:40:23 Beth Murphy

    That just acknowledge that Lord.

    00:40:25 Beth Murphy

    I've been doing this whole control thing my.

    00:40:26 Beth Murphy

    Whole life and I want.

    00:40:28 Beth Murphy

    To drop that, I'm ready to drop my control and I need your help to trust you.

    00:40:33 Beth Murphy

    We also may recognize that we've just got too much dependency on our.

    00:40:38 Beth Murphy

    Child's opinion of us like we're hesitant to do something that might displease them, or run them off and so we're actually kind of walking on egg shells or pulling back.

    00:40:49 Beth Murphy

    From doing maybe a kind but limiting sort of thing that needs to be done, or I'm just looking to their successes to make me feel good about myself as a parent, or feel good about life and so if they do something wrong, or certainly if they have a moral failing or they just don't achieve up to the standards of their capability.

    00:41:11 Beth Murphy

    And all of that goes into this burden.

    00:41:13 Beth Murphy

    I've got four or deficit really, that I've got for not feeling good about myself because they're not making me feel good about my.

    00:41:22 Beth Murphy

    And so it's important to just acknowledge honestly.

    00:41:24 Beth Murphy

    If that's going on and see it as something to engage God in.

    00:41:29 Beth Murphy

    In my own life, repent of that and ask God to fill my needs for value and worth and not look to my child and their success or lack of success to make.

    00:41:38 Beth Murphy

    Me feel good.

    00:41:38 John Murphy

    So we want to partner with God on this as well.

    00:41:41 John Murphy

    We want to bring him into the conversation and I think the best way to do that is going to be engage in a prayer that ask him in to help us with these things to position our hearts so that we can actually partner with him effectively in our parenting.

    00:41:52 John Murphy

    So here's a prayer if you want to engage God to move your heart as well as to lead.

    00:41:58 John Murphy

    UN parenting and this would be a great prayer for you to follow me through.

    00:42:02 John Murphy

    Hello father.

    00:42:04 John Murphy

    Thank you that you love me unconditionally.

    00:42:08 John Murphy

    And are perfectly trustworthy.

    00:42:10 John Murphy

    To fill my deepest needs.

    00:42:13 John Murphy

    Father, I reject any lie or teaching that is in my heart that opposes that truth.

    00:42:21 John Murphy

    Father, please replace those lies with your truth of your character.

    00:42:28 John Murphy

    Father, I also reject any dependency I have.

    00:42:32 John Murphy

    On my child's approval.

    00:42:35 John Murphy

    On their love are their performance.

    00:42:38 John Murphy

    To fill my need for worth.

    00:42:41 John Murphy

    Or assurance about life that only you can provide.

    00:42:46 John Murphy

    Father, I invite you into my heart.

    00:42:49 John Murphy

    To fill my divine needs with healthy dependencies on your presence and your love and your peace.

    00:42:57 John Murphy

    Father, I invite you to partner with me and parenting my child.

    00:43:02 John Murphy

    Thank you that you have the answers.

    00:43:05 John Murphy

    That I will never have for my child.

    00:43:09 John Murphy

    But you allow me the gratification of filling those needs for my children by introducing them to you.

    00:43:19 John Murphy

    Father, please give me the insight to understand.

    00:43:23 John Murphy

    My child needs the answer.

    00:43:26 John Murphy

    That only knowing and trusting you can provide.

    00:43:32 John Murphy

    Board please make the opportunities and give me the words.

    00:43:37 John Murphy

    To represent the fullness of your character.

    00:43:41 John Murphy

    To my children, when they most need it.

    00:43:43 John Murphy

    Father, thank you for accommodating my imperfection by supporting me and parenting with your perfection.

    00:43:51 John Murphy

    I pray this in the name of your child Jesus.

    00:43:54 John Murphy

    Amen, Amen.

    00:43:57 Beth Murphy

    Thank you for joining us today.

    00:43:59 Beth Murphy

    We do ask that you share this with.

    00:44:02 Beth Murphy

    Anyone who might.

    00:44:03 Beth Murphy

    Be blessed by these truths and certainly feel free to email us or call us if this has touched off something in your heart and you want to know more about what services and counseling and programs there are at Rock House Center.

    00:44:16 Beth Murphy

    So we thank you.

    00:44:17 Beth Murphy

    And my God bless you.

    00:44:18 John Murphy

    Actually, if you would like to email us and get those two partnering statements or a copy of the.

    00:44:24 John Murphy

    Prayer please do that.

    00:44:29

    All right?