John

This is the Rock House Center podcast and I'm John Murphy.

Beth

I'm, Beth Murphy and our podcast today is a New look at Christmas.

John

Let's take a new look at people been doing this the same. For thousands of years.

Beth

Well, I'm right in the middle of things that I enjoy the most at this point shortly before Christmas, where you're looking for just the right gift for you, John, or our sons and daughters-in-law or family.

John

Thank you.

Beth

I really enjoyed doing it. I like the kind of threading the needle and ordered a few things last night. They're supposed to arrive on Christmas Eve. If all goes well. And then I found a couple of things in stores this weekend that I think are just going to be right on target and that's all good. I really love that and hopefully, they enjoy receiving it. But looking now at, but we're looking now at the most valuable gift that we can give anyone, which is something they cannot give themselves.

John

Yeah, I think that's an interesting thing to think about when we're talking about gifts. There's a lot of conversation about giving people the things that we think in the form of an actual wrapped gift, and so forth. That would be something that would be very special for them. So what we want to look at about Christmas is what is the gift that we can give that someone can't give themselves?

Beth

And it's not going to be on their list.

John

But it's also.

And it's not going to be on their list, although it's inside of them and they're hungry for it.

00:01:19 John Murphy

But they don't probably even know how to articulate it and to put.

00:01:22 John Murphy

It on the list necessarily.

00:01:23 John Murphy

It is the.

00:01:25 John Murphy

Expression of value is the thing that is most critical to someone's sense of well being and their joy and their peace, and that's what the time of the year.

00:01:33 John Murphy

Various is going to be related to how they feel in terms of worth and the fascinating thing about worth is the way God has made us is that we can't actually generate worth in our own strength.

00:01:45 John Murphy

There's certainly a lot of arguments that in the world about success and so forth is about generating worth, but in reality, the worldly success list still leaves you very empty.

00:01:55 John Murphy

There's a place inside of us where we need to be valued and we need to be valued as unconditionally as possible.

00:02:00 John Murphy

And there is an interesting aspect of Christmas.

00:02:04 John Murphy

Is that it gets all focused on the kinds of physical things we can give when really probably the most powerful gift that would change the the tenor of the nature of the feeling of Christmas this year and maybe every year going forward is helping people fill their treasure chests with value.

00:02:20 John Murphy

And it has to come from us to them.

00:02:22 John Murphy

And it's not just our kids or just our spouse.

00:02:25 John Murphy

There's really every human being is looking to.

00:02:27 John Murphy

Have a level of.

00:02:28 John Murphy

Completion or a lot of high level wholeness it.

00:02:30 John Murphy

Has to do.

00:02:31 John Murphy

With worth and it has to come from the outside 'cause we've talked about before that you can't throw your own surprise party.

00:02:37 John Murphy

You can't actually generate that foundational sense of value in your own strength.

00:02:41 John Murphy

It's something that we have to look to other people to value us so that we can feel.

00:02:46 Beth Murphy

Value for our deepest divine names.

00:02:48 Beth Murphy

That we talk about a lot.

00:02:49 Beth Murphy

That rockhaus center comes from knowing foundationally that God values us and loves us perfectly.

00:02:56 Beth Murphy

No conditions, no risk that he's ever going to reject us.

00:03:00 Beth Murphy

We know he will never leave us or forsake.

00:03:02 Beth Murphy

Forsake us because he's promised us that.

00:03:05 Beth Murphy

And that he established our value and worth on his solid rock because he chose us and set us apart before the foundation of the world and the price that he paid for our lives with the the life of his son is the greatest price.

00:03:21 Beth Murphy

That could be paid.

00:03:22 John Murphy

And the love he has his love is totally unconditional with the full knowledge of knowing all are imperfect.

00:03:29 Beth Murphy

All right, so we're fully known and fully loved by God.

00:03:33 Beth Murphy

And that's a level at which no one else can replicate or love us.

00:03:39 Beth Murphy

But in terms of our back and forth human relationships, we can express value and simple ways.

00:03:46 Beth Murphy

We can certainly just verbally.

00:03:49 Beth Murphy

Spend 2 minutes or less just expressing to a person.

00:03:55 Beth Murphy

That we love them.

00:03:56 Beth Murphy

Care about them that what they think, how they feel really matters to us.

00:04:02 John Murphy

Yeah, the other thing is that that people really need to hear is that no matter what mistakes they made, they're still accepted.

00:04:08 John Murphy

I think they're still loved.

00:04:10 John Murphy

Parents can do that too.

00:04:11 John Murphy

I mean, you know one human can do that to another human to a degree.

00:04:14 John Murphy

It will never be a divine level thing that I'm just really focusing on.

00:04:17 John Murphy

Is the ability just to in the imperfect, as we'd like to say we do our imperfect best just the way in which one person can express that unconditional acceptance to another person, even if it's not.

00:04:29 John Murphy

Perfect people in your life are hungry for that, and if you're a parent of a child or you're the spouse of someone, then you're the person that has some of the greatest ability to grace authority to speak that worth into them.

00:04:42 John Murphy

And yes, we want to help you know any way we can help facilitate their looking to guy for ultimate perfect divine worth.

00:04:49 John Murphy

That's absolutely what we want to be.

00:04:51 John Murphy

Able to do.

00:04:51 John Murphy

But there are a whole lot of people who don't even have level 1.

00:04:54 John Murphy

They don't really.

00:04:55 John Murphy

They're kind of going along, really, not feeling value, and they don't really have a connection with Lord.

00:05:00 John Murphy

They don't know.

00:05:00 John Murphy

How to get it from him but one?

00:05:02 John Murphy

Of the things.

00:05:02 John Murphy

That we can do is we can model that to people and begin to give them a taste of what that worth is like.

00:05:08 John Murphy

And it is really just an expression like you were saying that I love you.

00:05:12 John Murphy

I accept you.

00:05:13 John Murphy

I'm with you.

00:05:14 John Murphy

I support you.

00:05:15 John Murphy

I understand you're not perfect, you make mistakes, but that doesn't change anything.

00:05:19 John Murphy

I don't care how successful you are.

00:05:21 John Murphy

I accept you, I don't care how many mistakes you make, I still care about you.

00:05:24 John Murphy

You're still important to me, and that's not going to change.

00:05:26 John Murphy

No matter what you do, that.

00:05:28 John Murphy

This is extremely powerful statement, and as we see.

00:05:33 John Murphy

And situations in working with parenting situations and also in in marriage situations when the conversation shifts off of stuff that parents provide but more onto parents valuing the other person.

00:05:48 John Murphy

And that's obviously the case in marriages as well.

00:05:51 John Murphy

Then something really significant.

00:05:53 John Murphy

Can happen and change in that relationship and peace.

00:05:56 John Murphy

We've seen peace return to people who are very disrupt.

00:06:00 John Murphy

Inside internally very uncomfortable and then they get the message from look we're behind you.

00:06:05 John Murphy

We're going to.

00:06:05 John Murphy

Do whatever it.

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Takes for you to get through this.

00:06:07 John Murphy

Don't worry about it.

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You know they.

00:06:09 John Murphy

Are we are on your team?

00:06:10 John Murphy

We care about you.

00:06:11 John Murphy

It's going to be OK.

00:06:13 John Murphy

Those kinds of sense of values insurance I'm going to invest in you.

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I'm going to help you get there.

00:06:17 John Murphy

Those kinds of things that really can bring.

00:06:20 John Murphy

Peace and joy and they really are a gift.

00:06:23 John Murphy

They really do fill something inside of.

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The other person.

00:06:26 Beth Murphy

So there are.

00:06:27 Beth Murphy

Many examples that are really poignant.

00:06:29 Beth Murphy

One comes to mind where parents had made the decision to remove the pressure from their daughter for.

00:06:37 Beth Murphy

The financial consequences her family was going to experience 'cause some bad choices she made.

00:06:42 Beth Murphy

Got in trouble and it was going to have trickle down effects that would affect everyone.

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They all knew that and they decided that they all knew that there was.

00:06:51 Beth Murphy

They didn't need to repeat that reminder of our past failings that now we're moving forward and we're just going to express how much we love her.

00:07:00 Beth Murphy

Value her take the pressure.

00:07:02 Beth Murphy

Off to correct what she couldn't correct 'cause the problem already existed and we just have to walk it out.

00:07:08 Beth Murphy

And an interesting thing developed as she was coming home from college and decided at Thanksgiving to come home early and spend time with her parents and talk with them openly about how she got into the trouble that she got into in the first place.

00:07:26 Beth Murphy

Then had a secondary conversation of just kind of collaborating on.

00:07:30 Beth Murphy

So what can we do now going forward?

00:07:32 Beth Murphy

What's the plan here?

00:07:33 Beth Murphy

And the parents had a completely different perspective on all of that and how they handle it from what they would have done a year ago.

00:07:41 Beth Murphy

And it turned into the kind of thing that God can do for us in these difficult situations.

00:07:48 Beth Murphy

Which is it?

00:07:49 Beth Murphy

Became a relationship building, faith building, trust building, turning point for fall.

00:07:56 Beth Murphy

Their relationships, both parents with the daughter.

00:07:59 Beth Murphy

That's the kind of thing that we're.

00:08:00 Beth Murphy

Talking about here.

00:08:01 Beth Murphy

Where you can.

00:08:02 Beth Murphy

Express value worth support, love and there are many examples, but in this whole category of in the tough situation sitting with the person.

00:08:12 Beth Murphy

In the emergency room and the scene where they've if it's your child where they've gotten in trouble in school and there's going to be some things to walk out here, they're going to have the consequences, but you're going to walk them out together with them in whatever way is appropriate.

00:08:26 Beth Murphy

Those sorts of things where.

00:08:28 Beth Murphy

Valuing and loving and caring about your child is communicated.

00:08:32 Beth Murphy

I'm just remembering and.

00:08:33 Beth Murphy

Another one that this wasn't this year.

00:08:35 Beth Murphy

This is a prior year, but the mom had really readjusted her relationship with her daughter and just pulled back on correcting and criticism criticizing and was affirming and just expressing that she wanted to be with her daughter.

00:08:53 Beth Murphy

Just 'cause I want to be with you and the daughter decided that she initiated she'd like to go Christmas shopping with her mother, which they had done in years.

00:09:02 Beth Murphy

So they're out Christmas shopping, just enjoying each other, and the daughter reached over. And while they're walking down the sidewalk just held her mom's hand.

00:09:10 Beth Murphy

Really, I just kind of teared up.

00:09:12 Beth Murphy

When she reported that because.

00:09:14 Beth Murphy

They had been somewhere between embittered to estranged before that mom had just done the thing of communicating that I want to be with you.

00:09:24 Beth Murphy

I love you want to be around you that simply really did a turn in the road for their relationship.

00:09:31 Beth Murphy

Then and going forward.

00:09:33 John Murphy

Yeah, I think all those are really great points, and one of the things that I think is a little bit surprising to people, whether again marriage or parenting scenario or just any kind of relationship is the assumption that we have that they should know we love them.

00:09:46 John Murphy

I mean the person feels love towards them and they do all these things for them.

00:09:51 John Murphy

And then there's the anticipation that there for these people the object of this relationship that they know how much we love them.

00:09:57 John Murphy

But the reality is there, it's pretty hard unless someone tells you what they are, how they feel about you, and they're in their level, acceptance and so forth, and makes it really clear.

00:10:09 John Murphy

It's not.

00:10:09 John Murphy

It's not always clear and and.

00:10:11 John Murphy

The reasons why.

00:10:12 John Murphy

Is because a lot of times the the association with some activity, like in the case of some situation where someone has done something very admirable or praiseworthy or they're getting recognized for it and there's a lot of sense of expression of love and gratitude.

00:10:29 John Murphy

Appreciation around that and then on the other side, there's some sort of problem and there's discipline or disapproval that comes as a result of that.

00:10:37 John Murphy

And and when there's a lot of times that it can become a lot of the relationship itself, and so the relationship kind of becomes one dimensional.

00:10:45 John Murphy

Under that sort of, you know, the good and the bad thing positive.

00:10:49 John Murphy

On on good and not.

00:10:50 John Murphy

So approving on bad but but we have to understand that what that communicates is not unconditional love.

00:10:59 John Murphy

And being with someone support him and we might feel that as many times if we told them and encourage them in the good times, we may feel like, well, certainly they understand that they love him.

00:11:07 John Murphy

'cause we talk about how much they love him.

00:11:09 John Murphy

But the problem is, is there's this offsetting thing is that we either withdraw or punish or whatever it is when they do things on the other side and we withdraw a sense of acceptance of them.

00:11:18 John Murphy

The punishment is really weak and punished and still accept people.

00:11:21 John Murphy

It's really just the withdrawing of acceptance that comes on the other side.

00:11:26 John Murphy

And so there really needs to be 2 strategies here.

00:11:28 John Murphy

In a relationship we've talked about before.

00:11:31 John Murphy

Is there needs to be this unconditional drip of of love and acceptance on someone no matter what happens?

00:11:37 John Murphy

And when you have that going, then there is.

00:11:40 John Murphy

It is really clear when they're we talk about.

00:11:43 John Murphy

You know when we talk about unanticipated expressions of value.

00:11:46 John Murphy

That's kind of what I'm talking about, so that two minute, while you may have spent all day in the midst of something that was bringing a lot of attention to a lot of praise to your child one minute.

00:11:57 John Murphy

In an unanticipated unrelated expression of unconditional love and acceptance is the thing that creates the deposit in their treasure chest.

00:12:04 John Murphy

The thing that creates the sense of value.

00:12:06 John Murphy

When we pull away from the good and the bad and we just declare despite the good and the bad that I value you and I'm with you and.

00:12:15 John Murphy

I love you.

00:12:16 John Murphy

Those are the things which really change the dynamic of our relationship, and it is the thing it is the gift which people are so hungry for is the uncut is the truly unconditional love and acceptance.

00:12:27 John Murphy

To another person that is a that is an expression of value which we absorb, take in and it builds our value built.

00:12:35 John Murphy

It is a confirmation.

00:12:36 John Murphy

Of our worth.

00:12:38 John Murphy

And of course humans to a level and then God to the perfect divine level, which is what we're all really hungry for ultimately, is to get to make it to that place where we are certain of that with God, and that's.

00:12:48 John Murphy

A part of.

00:12:48 John Murphy

How that comes out of our relationship and it.

00:12:51 John Murphy

Builds with God.

00:12:52 Beth Murphy

So back to.

00:12:53 Beth Murphy

The the what?

00:12:54 Beth Murphy

What God does and the way our Heavenly Father fathers us is that we are fully known and fully loved by him.

00:13:01 Beth Murphy

And so to the extent that we can communicate that to our children and to our spouse or anybody is.

00:13:08 Beth Murphy

Enormously powerful and just that they they know we know their failings and their shortcomings, and they've had consequences from those things they probably understand our values.

00:13:19 Beth Murphy

We've probably made that pretty clear.

00:13:21 Beth Murphy

But in the midst of that, if we can make it clear that we're not going to withhold relationship or love them one bit less, and in fact we really do, treasure them, love them values.

00:13:32 Beth Murphy

And then that is the single most important gift that we.

00:13:37 Beth Murphy

Can give anyone.

00:13:39 John Murphy

Yeah, it's interesting about if you take a look at Chris Christmas gifts and what they turn in, what they've kind of they can become.

00:13:45 John Murphy

And that is.

00:13:46 John Murphy

The sense of people getting really excited that they want a particular thing and we give it to him, and it seems like.

00:13:53 John Murphy

It falls into categories that when someone is hurting and empty, there's sort of two basic drivers that are the desire for the gift and one is is that that gift.

00:14:01 John Murphy

Is going to.

00:14:02 John Murphy

Give me value and it's going to make me look good.

00:14:04 John Murphy

It's going to be the.

00:14:05 John Murphy

The jewelry is going to be the clothes.

00:14:07 John Murphy

It's the tennis shoes.

00:14:08 John Murphy

It's the car.

00:14:08 John Murphy

It's the thing.

00:14:09 John Murphy

Whatever it is that there's going to be a level of, it's going to increase my sense of worth my stature, maybe among other people, and maybe get approval from them because I have this thing or whatever it is.

00:14:20 John Murphy

And then the other category are things that medicate the fact that I'm empty and hurting on the inside.

00:14:25 John Murphy

For instance, if we you know the one that everybody likes to pick out, of course, is the video games and the obsession people can have on video games, well, what's really going on there?

00:14:35 John Murphy

Well, there's probably an aspect of how that video game is a medicating thing that it distracts them from the way they.

00:14:41 John Murphy

Feel and of course within some of the video games.

00:14:44 John Murphy

There's also this, you know, working your way up to the various levels.

00:14:48 John Murphy

I mean, there's also some worse thing going on there as well.

00:14:51 John Murphy

In some of the video games, but it just when you think about the two things.

00:14:54 John Murphy

People are really obsessed on getting something from someone else in a gift form like a child from a pair.

00:14:59 John Murphy

That's if they are empty.

00:15:01 John Murphy

There is the probability that those are the two things driving it.

00:15:04 John Murphy

One of those two things is driving it.

00:15:06 John Murphy

So from our perspective, the if we just drip that unconditional, unexpected love on people then all that cleans up. You don't have to worry about those kinds of things. It's not about changing people's gift patterns.

00:15:18 John Murphy

But it is about how that if we're dripping this unconditional love on our spouse or our child, our father, or whoever it is that we're relationship.

00:15:27 John Murphy

With then that fills the bucket and whatever it is you give them, give them, then becomes the blessing that it can be for them.

00:15:34 John Murphy

But I don't.

00:15:35 John Murphy

We don't want to have the situation that after Christmas everybody looking blue and they're depressed as kind of they got all the things that they thought were either going to make them feel better or make them feel more worse and they get at the end of Christmas.

00:15:46 John Murphy

And it's kind of like.

00:15:47 John Murphy

We're now at 907 Christmas morning and we're still in the pajamas. We ripped through all the stuff and now kind of the gloom sets in because, you know, they've played through it enough or whatever the thing they were looking for. It wasn't really there.

00:16:00 John Murphy

And if there's disappointment if there's disappointment around this holiday season, it's going to be that there was an expectation to fill some kind of need that didn't happen.

00:16:10 John Murphy

And from from our perspective, it is that that it they're trying to fill that deep thing which really someone else is going to have to speak into their.

00:16:17 Beth Murphy

Lives now another way to look at this if you.

00:16:20 Beth Murphy

The person who's giving it a gift for many gifts to your wife or your husband or your child, and you realize there's a pattern that no matter what you do, it's not enough that you've done everything you thought they could possibly want.

00:16:36 Beth Murphy

Plus some, and you've done all whatever they've asked for.

00:16:41 Beth Murphy

Things they didn't.

00:16:42 Beth Murphy

Think of, but they can't really receive it for what you mean it to be or it it just has that feeling.

00:16:48 Beth Murphy

But it's never enough.

00:16:49 Beth Murphy

Well, that's an opportunity to just back up connect with God and ask him what is it?

00:16:55 Beth Murphy

Say, let's say it's your wife who's feeling that way, or your husband who's feeling that way.

00:17:01 Beth Murphy

Just connect with God.

00:17:02 Beth Murphy

And ask him what is it they they want something?

00:17:05 Beth Murphy

I can't give them 'cause I've.

00:17:07 Beth Murphy

Giving them what?

00:17:08 Beth Murphy

I've got here what else is there and there is the first just submitting them to the Lord to ask him to help them come to him to fill the deepest needs in their hearts that that.

00:17:22 Beth Murphy

We really can't.

00:17:22 Beth Murphy

Fill and then looking to what we're talking about here.

00:17:26 Beth Murphy

If there are expressions.

00:17:27 Beth Murphy

A value that we can make to our wife or husband, or children that are simple expressions of value.

00:17:34 Beth Murphy

Just that.

00:17:35 Beth Murphy

I care about you.

00:17:36 Beth Murphy

I'm not waiting on you to measure up and get better grades or lose some weight or do better in your sport or make more money.

00:17:46 Beth Murphy

None of it.

00:17:46 Beth Murphy

That's all off the table.

00:17:47 Beth Murphy

I just love you because I love you and I'm not waiting for you to measure up to anything.

00:17:52 Beth Murphy

I just want to be with you and I love you and so.

00:17:55 Beth Murphy

That's the level at which there's a gift we can.

00:17:58 Beth Murphy

Give our loved one who seems like no matter what we do, it's never enough.

00:18:03 Beth Murphy

Well, there is.

00:18:04 Beth Murphy

There's a depth there that we cannot feel that only God can feel, but we just want to pursue Lord on what might we be able to speak into that would be value and worth that they could receive from us.

00:18:16 John Murphy

So if we take all this and.

00:18:18 John Murphy

Go back to our original premise here, which is taking a new look at Christmas.

00:18:21 John Murphy

How does this change what we're doing are going to be going to be doing over the next couple of weeks here.

00:18:26 John Murphy

Given that we are in late.

00:18:27 John Murphy

December and the the question.

00:18:30 John Murphy

It really kind of boils down to how do I communicate this thing?

00:18:33 John Murphy

How do I make this happen?

00:18:34 John Murphy

How do I add this to my to my list?

00:18:36 John Murphy

How is it?

00:18:37 John Murphy

How are we going to make this really wonderful and then occur?

00:18:39 John Murphy

Well, it's really really very simple.

00:18:41 John Murphy

I think that the unexpected expressions anticipate expressions of value.

00:18:46 John Murphy

Is A is a.

00:18:47 John Murphy

Kind of a lengthy phrase.

00:18:48 John Murphy

But it is.

00:18:49 John Murphy

The it's really.

00:18:49 John Murphy

A simple thing to do and it is.

00:18:51 John Murphy

Is that?

00:18:51 John Murphy

I mean it can be 15 seconds.

00:18:54 John Murphy

It can be 30 seconds.

00:18:55 John Murphy

It can be 2 minutes.

00:18:56 John Murphy

We talked about less than two minutes, but it doesn't take that long to get someone aside in a situation where there's nothing at stake and there's nothing going on where if punishment or praise is happening and just catch people totally by surprise.

00:19:11 John Murphy

And just let them know how much you love them and it is.

00:19:13 John Murphy

It's really not a huge thing, but the shifting that can go on in that relationship.

00:19:18 John Murphy

And I believe the way the.

00:19:20 John Murphy

Entire holiday season can feel when that foundational love is expressed in very small ways, but it's so concentrated it's just such a concentrated gift.

00:19:32 John Murphy

I guess it's it does so much for someone to hear this, especially when it's someone who has a divine.

00:19:40 John Murphy

Appointment in your life, like a parent or a spouse.

00:19:42 John Murphy

Those words are just really powerful and there is not a single person.

00:19:47 John Murphy

There is not a single person who doesn't benefit from this who isn't blessed by this.

00:19:51 John Murphy

Some people will be wildly blessed by it because despite appearances and all the show or whatever it is, they're really pretty empty on the inside, and they this is what they really need to hear there.

00:20:02 John Murphy

See those who are confident.

00:20:03 John Murphy

All it does is add to the treasure in their chests their sense of worth, and you can't.

00:20:07 John Murphy

You cannot go wrong.

00:20:08 John Murphy

You can't pick the wrong color size, whatever it is, it is a one size fits all and it is the most powerful thing that you can give someone.

00:20:17 John Murphy

And again, they can't, and this is a gift that you say, well, what do you do for the person that has everything?

00:20:23 John Murphy

What do you do for the person that can buy anything they have whatever they've got, everything there is to have.

00:20:27 John Murphy

What can you give them?

00:20:28 John Murphy

There is no human being that is not going to receive it as a gift and feel.

00:20:33 John Murphy

Blessed by the unconditional expression of love to them, no matter what's going on while it's and and it has the greatest impact in situations where people really know each other because it is when the context of being fully norgaard hugely know significantly known that those messages of love have the greatest impact on the most powerful.

00:20:53 John Murphy

And that's the way I really was feel about my relationship with the Lord.

00:20:57 John Murphy

Is that he actually knows all he knows everything there is to know about me.

00:21:00 John Murphy

He knows all.

00:21:00 John Murphy

The good, all the mistakes, all things I've.

00:21:02 John Murphy

Done all things I thought about doing I.

00:21:03 John Murphy

Didn't do whatever it was, but.

00:21:05 John Murphy

He still loves me absolutely perfectly.

00:21:08 John Murphy

That's something that we need to understand our divine level and we need to receive that in a human touch level in an imperfect way from people who are important to us.

00:21:17 John Murphy

As well.

00:21:18 Beth Murphy

As you're talking, I'm thinking about how this works in concentration starting from your outer circles all the way into the deepest circles.

00:21:26 Beth Murphy

Because you said something.

00:21:26

The wolf.

00:21:28 Beth Murphy

Earlier about anybody, anyone you encounter, not just the your immediate closest in family and loved ones and and as you were saying that I was thinking about walking through the airport.

00:21:39 Beth Murphy

1 Morning was early in the morning and there are very few flow.

00:21:42 Beth Murphy

Lights and almost no one around and I was walking down a big wide open hallway and looked up and there was a man coming my way I.

00:21:52 Beth Murphy

Just happened to look him in the eye, gave him a big smile and he stopped and thanked me for smiling at him and said it made his day.

00:22:01 Beth Murphy

And just kept going.

00:22:02 John Murphy

There you go.

00:22:02 Beth Murphy

And just a stranger in the airport, don't know what his day had been.

00:22:07 Beth Murphy

Like or what his week.

00:22:08 Beth Murphy

In line and.

00:22:10 Beth Murphy

So that's on the farthest out and you bring it all the way into people who you know and and they they really value you.

00:22:18 Beth Murphy

And what you think of them, and they're really looking to you. Then you know in this place of divine appointment and your child's life.

00:22:28 Beth Murphy

Or divine appointment in your spouses life.

00:22:31 Beth Murphy

Now there's a real opportunity to take that same.

00:22:33 Beth Murphy

It can even be as simple as the same experience in the airport or the kind of experience seat you may have when you're at a restaurant and you have a nice exchange with your server and they go away in a better frame of mind.

00:22:47 Beth Murphy

And those sorts of things to level that they're meaningful at that level.

00:22:52 Beth Murphy

Then they're exponentially meaningful to the person who knows that you know them really cares about your opinion, really wants your love and is is open to receiving it and interpreting it for what you really mean it.

00:23:07 John Murphy

I think, yeah, I think it's important to recognize that when we're doing this, this is not about listing all the things that the world sees in them as.

00:23:13 John Murphy

Valuable, it's actually not even saying that these characteristics you have are valuable to me.

00:23:18 John Murphy

It's interesting we have, that's those are.

00:23:20 John Murphy

Those are OK.

00:23:21 John Murphy

Those are fine, whether they're they're not often side, that's not what we're saying.

00:23:24 John Murphy

Is that what we're basically what we're saying is that I love you, and I know you and I love you and I'm not going anywhere.

00:23:31 John Murphy

And that is.

00:23:32 John Murphy

That is an expression.

00:23:33 John Murphy

A value from you to them which they receives value.

00:23:36 John Murphy

It's not something where we list the performance or any of those other kind of things that the value is transferred through.

00:23:43 John Murphy

An expression of knowing and loving someone, and that's not gonna change in a sense of commitment to.

00:23:48 John Murphy

That love and then it is an authentic love, which is one that's not out of it doesn't come out of dependence, so we don't talk about all the things that they're graded doing that.

00:23:57 John Murphy

I'm dependent on them and that's why I love them.

00:23:58 John Murphy

That's not where we're going.

00:23:59 John Murphy

That's a performance based thing.

00:24:01 John Murphy

We're saying I know everything there is to know about you and our can know or whatever it is humanly possible.

00:24:06 John Murphy

And I absolutely love you and that's not going to change anything.

00:24:09 John Murphy

That is a really powerful message which is really different.

00:24:11 John Murphy

So when we're doing this expressions of value really what we're doing is we're expressing unconditional love to the extent that we can is imperfect people.

00:24:19 John Murphy

And we want to make sure we don't draw in the list of all the things the world would list as reasons why they're valuable are valuable to you.

00:24:27 John Murphy

That's that's a different.

00:24:28 John Murphy

That's a different thing.

00:24:29 Beth Murphy

Yeah, because then the message that that we receive quietly is that OK?

00:24:35 Beth Murphy

Well, that's great that they're valued because I did all those things right and those people have approved me.

00:24:39 Beth Murphy

Or I've gotten these.

00:24:40 Beth Murphy

Accolades or whatever.

00:24:41 John Murphy

Are their dependent on me?

00:24:43 Beth Murphy

Or they're dependent on me, but what happens when I mess up and that's the.

00:24:47 John Murphy

Come through.

00:24:47 Beth Murphy

Here that we all have is that I'm going to relax my guard at some point I'm going to bring home the bad grade.

00:24:54 John Murphy

Right exactly

00:24:55 Beth Murphy

I'm going to get in trouble or they're going to find out something about me that.

00:24:58 Beth Murphy

They actually don't know.

00:25:00 Beth Murphy

And if they just knew these thoughts I've had, or just knew these things, I've done well then.

00:25:06 Beth Murphy

It's all over there.

00:25:07 Beth Murphy

Not going to love me or approve.

00:25:08 Beth Murphy

Of me, that's sort of.

00:25:09 Beth Murphy

A thing well, that's

00:25:11 Beth Murphy

What we want.

00:25:12 Beth Murphy

What we want is.

00:25:13 Beth Murphy

The sense that.

00:25:15 Beth Murphy

They actually know me pretty well and they do know my failings and they just.

00:25:20 Beth Murphy

Love me, period right and.

00:25:22 John Murphy

That's the experience that's expressing God.

00:25:23 John Murphy

's left to us.

00:25:24 John Murphy

That's the authentic, authentic love God has for us, which God doesn't need anything from us.

00:25:28 John Murphy

He just loves us.

00:25:29 John Murphy

He knows us completely without any exception, and he absolutely loves.

00:25:32 John Murphy

US and to the.

00:25:33 John Murphy

Degree that we are able to enter in perfect best.

00:25:35 John Murphy

As humans express that to people who we know, then it will completely shift the the how the interactions occur.

00:25:43 John Murphy

It will shift how the house feels, how the family feels, how every event going forward, and certainly Christmas will.

00:25:49 John Murphy

Feel if that is there and that's present, and that's known among the people in.

00:25:53 John Murphy

That room the the.

00:25:54 John Murphy

Real warmth of the relational warps will will ride on that understanding that the people around that tree know each other and love each other and accept each other just the way they are and they're.

00:26:05 John Murphy

Not dependent.

00:26:06 John Murphy

On it with each other, so that's a new look for new look.

00:26:09 John Murphy

For Christmas, it's not about the stack of stuff or take that stack of stuff and recognize that that's great.

00:26:15 John Murphy

Those are blessings, but the way to really empower the ultimate experience of Christmas is going to be to lay down this foundation of unconditional access.

00:26:24 Beth Murphy

So I think we have an opportunity now here to frame up a prayer, perhaps for everyone to follow along and participate in as they choose.

00:26:34 John Murphy

So just follow along with me.

00:26:35 John Murphy

Heavenly Father, thank you.

00:26:37 John Murphy

That you know me fully and love me fully, Lord, I ask that you would allow me to accept and to internalize and experience the depth of that low Heavenly Father.

00:26:46 John Murphy

I also ask that from the love that is within me that comes from you that you would show me the love that you have for others and allow me to experience.

00:26:54 John Murphy

That love and allow me to be able to express that in other people or.

00:26:57 John Murphy

Help me see the need and give.

00:26:59 John Murphy

Me the opportunity and give me the words.

00:27:01 John Murphy

To be able to pass on authentic love.

00:27:03 John Murphy

Whenever I'm in relationship or whenever the opportunity opens, so I also to ask that you would create those opportunities as well as.

00:27:09 John Murphy

Giving me the words.

00:27:11 John Murphy

Lord, I thank you for your plan for bringing peace and joy into our family into our life.

00:27:16 John Murphy

This time of the year.

00:27:18 John Murphy

I thank you for the gift of your son.

00:27:20 John Murphy

That is because of him that we are able to go before you and.

00:27:23 John Murphy

Have relationship here with No Fear and we thank you Lord, that you love us despite anything that we've ever thought, done or considered doing Lord please well up within us Lord the spirit of the authentic love that you have so that we can feel that in community with others.

00:27:38 John Murphy

I just pray all these things in Jesus name Amen Amen.

00:27:41 Beth Murphy

Hey man.

00:27:42 Beth Murphy

We made this new looking Christmas.

00:27:44 Beth Murphy

Bless you is.

00:27:44 Beth Murphy

We're here on the home stretch now you have your best Christmas season ever.

00:27:49 John Murphy

Thanks for listening in.

00:27:50 John Murphy

Just remember, we're always here if you need us.