Fearless Conversations

John R. Murphy: Welcome to the Rock House Center Podcast. I'm John Murphy.

Beth Murphy: And I'm Beth Murphy. Today, we’re continuing from our last podcast about unloading life’s burdens by focusing on a surprisingly common and emotionally heavy burden—fearing an upcoming conversation. It may not sound huge, but it causes a lot of distress and unnecessary emotional processing.

John: It’s amazing how universal this is. Everyone has stories of fearing a conversation—whether it’s one they’ve had or one they’re anticipating. I remember times in my past when the weight of an upcoming conversation disrupted my peace. It’s a burden we often don’t name, but we should, so we can deal with it.

Beth: Our goal is to help you get to the other side of that fear and experience what we call a fearless conversation. That means recognizing the many ways a conversation could go and still having peace—even without knowing the outcome. It may not be the biggest burden you’ve ever faced, but if you’re like us, you’ve felt the weight of a conversation that seemed to carry a lot at stake.

John: We’re definitely not alone. People often express anxiety or fear about conversations they need to have. This is something most people can relate to.

Beth: There are many examples. One big one is having to deliver bad news—or what you assume will be perceived as bad news. Think about investment advisors in March 2020, having to explain to clients what was happening to their portfolios. Or employers having to talk to staff about job changes. Those conversations must have caused tremendous angst.

John: Absolutely. Even smaller things can weigh on us—like returning a product or addressing poor service. I’ve felt anxiety just returning something to a store, worried they’d say no or blame me. And the relief after it was resolved was real. These everyday burdens add up, but some are much bigger—like relationship issues or employment decisions. People can spend days, weeks, even years processing how to have those conversations.

Beth: That reminds me of a business trip I took in the early ’80s. I was in New York City, staying in a hotel room that smelled awful and had construction noise all night. I needed to ask for a new room but spent the whole night worrying about how that would go. The next morning, I nervously approached the front desk, only to be met with kindness and a free upgrade to a penthouse suite. All that worry was completely unnecessary.

John: It’s a great example of how burdens can range from small to significant. One of the heavier ones is terminating someone’s employment. Whether you’re the one delivering the news or receiving it, the emotional toll is real. You lose sleep, you rehearse the conversation, and you fear the outcome.

Beth: I remember my first time having to let someone go. I tried everything to help them succeed, but when I finally had the conversation, they said they’d known it wasn’t working and were just waiting for me to call it. All that worry and effort to control the situation was wasted.

John: At the core of all this fear and burden is control. We fear the outcome, so we try to control it. That leads to endless processing, anxiety, and sleepless nights. It’s a significant burden because we’re trying to manage something we can’t control.

Beth: In personal relationships, the stakes feel even higher. Whether it’s ending a friendship or changing dynamics, people worry deeply about how others will respond. One client feared devastating her friend by stepping away from a group they’d been part of. She processed endlessly, trying to find the perfect way to say it.

John: And the problem is, we can’t predict reactions. We try to imagine every possible response and plan accordingly, but it never works. That kind of mental processing shuts us down emotionally and creates a heavy burden.

Beth: We see this often in family dynamics—between spouses, parents, and children. Even simple disagreements or saying "no" can feel like a huge risk. People fear rejection, conflict, or disappointing someone they care about.

John: I remember early in our marriage, you asked me a question—something like, "Do you like this dress?" I froze, trying to figure out how to answer in a way that made everyone happy. The pressure was so intense, I literally passed out asleep. That moment revealed how much was riding on acceptance and approval.

Beth: The weight comes from fearing rejection or not getting our way. We tie our peace to the outcome of the conversation. Parents especially fear their children’s anger and make decisions based on avoiding conflict.

John: There’s also what I call the stealth burden—when we try to control someone else’s emotions under the guise of care. We say we don’t want them to feel bad, but really, we need them to be okay so we can feel okay. It’s control disguised as compassion.

Beth: And the truth is, we can’t control how others feel or respond. Their reactions are about them. Our assumptions are often fabricated, and all that effort is rooted in control.

John: To unpack this, we need to ask why we feel the need to control. If our sense of worth or peace depends on the outcome of a conversation, it becomes a burden. But those needs are too deep to be dependent on someone else’s response. God designed us to have those needs met by Him.

Beth: So we’re left with a clear choice: trust God and release the burden, or stay on the hamster wheel of control and anxiety. The truth is, we can’t control others, and even if we could, it wouldn’t bring peace. Peace comes only from trusting God.

John: We want everyone to be able to have fearless conversations. That means replacing control with trust in God. Let’s move into a prayer to make that shift—to put God in His rightful place and release the burden.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, thank You for offering me peace in all situations that defy human understanding. I reject the lie that any person can fill the divine needs You placed in me for Yourself. I accept Your perfect, unconditional, and eternal love, and ask You to help me stand on that truth.

Father, I roll the conversation I need to have with [insert name] onto Your shoulders and commit it to You. Make my heart consistent with Your will so Your plan can be established and bring You glory.

I forgive [insert name] for any offense I’ve taken by assuming their intent. I trust You with the outcome of the conversation, no matter what it is, and declare that as I allow You to lead me, it will be the best possible outcome.

Lord, I also open my heart to Your leading—even if Your will is for me not to have the conversation at all. I pray all these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Beth: Amen. We hope this prayer brings peace and helps you trust God more in these situations. Even if you don’t have a conversation coming up now, you can return to this prayer when one arises. Feel free to reach out to us at contact@rockhousecenter.com to learn more about our resources and services.

John: Thanks for listening today. Goodbye.