Seeking Truth vs. Being Right

John R. Murphy: Hello, and welcome to the Rock House Center podcast. I'm John Murphy.

Beth Murphy: And I'm Beth Murphy. We're glad you're joining us today.

John: Today we're exploring a dynamic that shows up in arguments and discussions—whether we're seeking truth or simply trying to be right. When we enter a conversation with the goal of being right rather than seeking truth, it often leads to a logjam. This mindset dominates much of our political discourse, where people state their positions without truly engaging in productive dialogue. It's more about gaining approval or control than discovering the best solution.

Beth: If we're honest, we've all done this. We've all tried to steer conversations toward our desired outcome—whether with a spouse, child, coworker, or parent—by pushing our agenda instead of seeking God's truth and His way.

John: Exactly. When both parties are focused on being right, they may reach a compromise, but it's often just a middle ground between two rigid positions. True productivity comes when both people value truth above their own stance—even being willing to abandon their position if a better solution emerges. That kind of openness allows for blending ideas and seeking God's guidance.

Beth: And sometimes, the conflict isn't really about the other person. It's about our own emotional makeup. We may react strongly because of past wounds or sensitivities. A helpful revelation in conflict is recognizing that our emotional response may be more about our history than the current situation.

John: Right. How someone behaves is about their heart. How their behavior makes us feel is about our heart. No one makes us feel a certain way—our reactions come from within. When we realize that, it opens the door to truth and healing.

Beth: A great example is when a husband and wife back off their insistence on being right and start listening to the Lord. They may discover they actually agree on the bigger picture but differ on how to get there. Take parenting, for instance. Suppose both parents agree their child needs help with table manners. The wife wants the husband to take the lead, but she also wants him to do it her way—immediately, in front of a guest. The husband prefers to wait and address it privately.

John: I appreciate that dad—he’s sensitive to his child’s feelings.

Beth: Exactly. If the wife insists on her way, it creates conflict. But if both parents step back and recognize their shared goal, they can seek God’s way of parenting—one that’s gracious and respectful to the child. That shift from control to collaboration is powerful.

John: That’s a great point. The first step in resolving conflict is backing up to the common goal. From there, you can move forward in truth.

Beth: And I’ve learned that lesson many times. God has gently convicted me when I’ve tried to force my strategy—whether with you, our kids, or in work settings. He reminds me to follow His agenda, not mine.

John: That’s where conviction brings insight and transformation.

Beth: Yes. When we’re in conflict, we need to ask: Am I seeking God’s truth or just trying to be right? Sometimes the intensity of our position is driven by deeper needs—like self-worth or a desire for peace—that we’re trying to get from the other person instead of from God.

John: Exactly. We may define someone in our mind as needing to act a certain way for us to feel okay. That fuels our insistence on being right. But those needs should be met by God, not by controlling others.

Beth: A red flag is when we seek an “approval pod”—calling a friend or parent to validate our position. That’s often gossip disguised as seeking support. We present a biased version of the story, get agreement, and return to the conflict more entrenched than before.

John: That’s not truth-seeking. It’s self-righteousness. And it escalates the conflict.

Beth: I’ve had clients who realized this. One woman appreciated that at Rock House Center, we didn’t comment on her husband’s behavior but focused on her heart. She said she felt suspect when multiple therapists agreed with her about her husband—without ever meeting him. She recognized her report was biased.

John: That moment of truth was the turning point. When she questioned her long-held view, things became productive.

Beth: And she experienced deep healing. Another example is women who realize that gatherings with friends often turn into husband-bashing sessions. They come home more dissatisfied, even though their husbands have done nothing wrong. That conviction leads them to seek God’s truth instead of validation.

John: That’s the heart of our message—seeking God’s truth in relationships and being open to conviction. When we do that, we move from conflict to healing.

Beth: And it’s a healthy way to approach any discussion. Before diving in, ask: Are we here to find the best answer, led by the Lord, or are we here to be right? If the answer is the latter, maybe the conversation shouldn’t happen.

John: Let’s close with a prayer for anyone feeling convicted by this message.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, forgive me for entering conversations with my will ahead of Yours. I declare that I seek Your truth and Your outcome in every interaction. Inspire my heart to respond to Your will and be led by You. I trust You with the outcome of every conversation—past, present, and future—and I roll those burdens onto Your shoulders. Help me resist the urge to control and instead seek Your truth for Your glory and my good. Strengthen me with Your love to serve You and pursue truth in all my relationships. I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Beth: Amen. That wraps up today’s podcast. If this message blessed you, please share it. Our mission at Rock House Center is to spread God’s truth and love far beyond our counseling sessions. We want to reach people everywhere with the power of His kingdom principles.

John: Thanks for joining us. God bless.